Day 74: Interruption

“Noise is the most impertinent of all forms of interruption. It is not only an interruption, but is also a disruption of thought.” - Arthur Schopenhauer

I have a horrible habit, a learned behavior that I've never corrected. It's party caused by my ADD, and partly because I've put enough effort in to correcting myself. I interrupt people. I interrupt people a lot, and often. It's extremely rude, and immature. It makes me seem arrogant, and disrespectful. It's very unintentional when I do it, but it's not excusable.

With how often I do it, it seems like I don't care what others have to say; when I really do care what they have to say. I enjoy listening to others, yet I always feel some need to interrupt there story, or what they're saying to insert my two cents. It's rude, very disrespectful, and it's not every excusable. It's a very poor way to communicate with someone.

No one wants to talk to someone that constantly interrupts them, and makes it seem like what they have to say is not valid or means nothing. It makes them feel like they're wasting they're breathe and time with you, and that what they have to say means nothing to me. I have to learn how to control this, and be a better listener, and wait my turn to say something. I can't just interrupt someone in the middle of a story. What I have to say, is no more important than what they have to say. Often it's a question, about what they're saying, or a snarky remark about what their saying. If I waited till they finished what they had to say, my questions would be answered, and I'd understand what they're trying to say.

I'm going back to the ADD doctor soon, and should start medication soon as  well. Hopefully this helps me focus, and helps me correct this behavior that I've allowed myself to do for far too long.

Medication

30 Days to A Better Man: Day 6: Update Your Resume

Today in 30 Days to a Better Man, the challenge is to update your resume. Fortunately my resume is already up to date, and I just reviewed it.

Today I went to the ADD doctor for my follow up appointment. My blood test results came back good. My cholesterol is slightly high, and my blood pressure is slightly high. Need more exercise, and less stress the doctor suggested. He had an EKG done on me today, and the results of that were good.

He prescribed Vyvanse to me. I'll start taking it next week, once I get paid and can afford to get it filled.

We discussed my concerns about side effects of the drug. My biggest fear is that it will make me feel dependent on it, that I'll feel like I have to have it to be 'me'. He said that it will not give me a dependency feeling. The most common side effects are loss of appetite, trouble sleeping, and weight loss. In rare cases it will give psychotic side effects, and you'll notice that immediately in the first day.

The weight loss side effect, will cause me to lose 10-15% of my body weight, in the first 2 months he said. I may continue to lose more after that. This will really help me with my weight loss goals, working out, and getting in better shape.

The doctor said that I'll also have a whole new outlook on life, and that people will perceive me differently. He said it will really help me in work, school, and my relationships. It will give me the focus, and attention that I need to give in all areas of my life.

I am very anxious to see if it really lives up to it's hype, and if it will actually help as much as I hope it will. I know it won't be a miracle do all pill, and that it is going to help me some; but it will not fix everything. A lot of my problems, are mine, and can only be fixed by self control, and personal responsibility. It's time to man up.

Day 4: ADHD

Today, I went to the ADHD Clinic for the first time. The Dr. had me complete an evaluation questionnaire, that I scored very high on. Based on the evaluation it's pretty clear to the Dr. that I do suffer from ADHD. I have to have a blood test done, and an EKG, then we will discuss medication options. He's recommending Vyvanse, or Adderall XR.

25 and being treated for ADHD for the first time. It's something I've known I've had, since I was probably 12. When I started going to public schools, and met other kids with it. In the private schools I attended, teachers weren't taught to look for signs of it. I believe it was due to it being a Christian school. They probably thought I was just out of control, and lacked parenting; neither of which are true. ADHD is due to a chemical in-balance. I should have looked in to treatment long ago.

I tried to ignore it for a long time. I thought I could over come it with mind-power, and will power. I don't think anyone that truly has ADHD can overcome it with will power. It just doesn't work like that. It's a lot more serious than it seems.

While I can't blame ADHD on every problem in my life, or anything really. I can say that it's been a factor of my life. I've made many bad decisions in my life, and ADHD was an influence on them. I often make impulsive decisions, not looking at the big picture. Momentary lapses of judgement. Choices that I chose to make, and ADHD was the little devil on my shoulder the whole ride. ADHD just assisted me, it was me who lived the life, and made the critical mistakes time and time again.

I wish I would have realized how serious of a problem ADHD was many years ago. I believe I could have made better decisions if I'd taken care of it long ago. Maybe I would have graduated from Eastern, maybe I'd still be in the Navy? Maybe I'd have more motivation, and more focus. Maybe I wouldn't have done anything differently, but would have had better focus when I made all those dumb decisions.