Day 79: Listen

“A good listener tries to understand what the other person is saying. In the end he may disagree sharply, but because he disagrees, he wants to know exactly what it is he is disagreeing with.” - Kenneth A. Wells

To be a good conversationalist, friend, and employee; I need to be a good listener. Listen before speaking. Think before speaking. Do not interrupt. Do not jump to conclusions. Listen, then think, then speak. Shut up and listen!

I really enjoy a good conversation, but I will admit I am not a good listener. I interrupt people, I jump to conclusions, trying to predict where the sentence is going before you even complete it. It's rude, and ignorant. Even if the conversation is predictable, it's still not appropriate to interrupt them, or to tune them out.

I need to be a better listener, to others and to myself. For others, and for myself. I need to hear both what people say, and the inaudible things in life. Not everything you can hear, do you actually hear. There are verbal, and nonverbal things you can listen to. Actions speak louder than words.

I need to learn to listen closely, and response appropriately.

Even when you hear things I don't agree with, or I don't like, I can still listen; and respect what's being said. Learn to take constructive criticism to heart, without getting defensive, and attacking. No one deserves to be yelled at. There's no excuse to snap. Speak softly. Speak less, listen more.

Stop. Collaborate and listen.

Day 74: Interruption

“Noise is the most impertinent of all forms of interruption. It is not only an interruption, but is also a disruption of thought.” - Arthur Schopenhauer

I have a horrible habit, a learned behavior that I've never corrected. It's party caused by my ADD, and partly because I've put enough effort in to correcting myself. I interrupt people. I interrupt people a lot, and often. It's extremely rude, and immature. It makes me seem arrogant, and disrespectful. It's very unintentional when I do it, but it's not excusable.

With how often I do it, it seems like I don't care what others have to say; when I really do care what they have to say. I enjoy listening to others, yet I always feel some need to interrupt there story, or what they're saying to insert my two cents. It's rude, very disrespectful, and it's not every excusable. It's a very poor way to communicate with someone.

No one wants to talk to someone that constantly interrupts them, and makes it seem like what they have to say is not valid or means nothing. It makes them feel like they're wasting they're breathe and time with you, and that what they have to say means nothing to me. I have to learn how to control this, and be a better listener, and wait my turn to say something. I can't just interrupt someone in the middle of a story. What I have to say, is no more important than what they have to say. Often it's a question, about what they're saying, or a snarky remark about what their saying. If I waited till they finished what they had to say, my questions would be answered, and I'd understand what they're trying to say.

I'm going back to the ADD doctor soon, and should start medication soon as  well. Hopefully this helps me focus, and helps me correct this behavior that I've allowed myself to do for far too long.

Day 62: Organization

“Organize your life around your dreams - and watch them come true.” - Unknown

I need to get my life my organized. Organize and sort my belongings. Remove the clutter. Remove the unnecessary. Remember what it is important, and place it as such in my life.

I need to organize my mind, and life; and focus on attaining my goals. Remove the stress. Keep things organized, neat, and tidy. Let things be. Be more responsible. Be an adult. Grow up.

I need to stop postponing removing the trash in my life. The thoughts. The ideas. The ignorance. I need to just remove them, and move forward head first. Face my battles on my own. Overcome my fears on my own. Overcome my insecurities, weaknesses, and frustrations on my own. I need to be proud of who I am, but recognize my faults, and my failures. I need to better myself, and continue to work harder to be who I want to be. Organize my thoughts, and my goals. Retain my focus, and keep it where it belongs, on the the future.

I need to remove the bad habits in my life, the bad behaviors, the irrational decisions and reactions. I need to create new, good habits, good behaviors, and be more rational with my decisions and reactions. I need to be a  kinder person. I need to be more considerate. I need to stop being so serious all the time. I need to learn to take a joke, and not take everything so personally. I'm too sensitive.

Organize my thoughts, my life, my mind, my goals, my achievements, my failures. Work towards my future with organization, good intentions, good actions, and focus.

Day 51: Regrets

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” - Fulton Oursler

Often in life I've said I've regretted things I have done, said, and things I haven't done. It's time to live without regrets. Life happens. Things happen. Lessons happen. You live you learn, you grow. You can't just bottle up your life and hold it inside regretting every mistake, and failure you've made. Make the things right that you can, learn from everything, and work towards your future. That's all you can do.

Mistakes are only mistakes if you learn from them, and change how you react to the situations in the future. It's not a mistake if you'll continuously repeat it over and over again. Insanity is doing the same thing expecting a different outcome. If you continue to do what you've been doing all along, how do you ever expect anything to change?

You have to do things differently to get a different outcome. You have to learn from your mistakes. You have to behave differently. A mistake that's continuously repeated, is not a mistake, it's a natural behavior. That's where my problem lies. Many of my actions, are not mistakes, as I've repeated them so many times in my life; that they're second nature, natural behaviors.

I can't ever regret anything, as everything I've done, is what I wanted to do at the moment. Be it good or bad, it's obviously what I wanted at the moment. Living in the moment will often bite you in the ass. You have to keep focused on your ultimate goals, and not sacrifice anything to reach them. Every mistake, failure, and mis-step that I have made, was made for a reason. They were made by the choices I make, and my own behavior. Be it right or wrong. I am who I am. It's time to better myself, for me, now.

Day 50: Discretion

Discretion -
1 : the quality of being discreet : circumspection; especially : cautious reserve in speech
2 : ability to make responsible decisions
3 a : individual choice or judgment b : power of free decision or latitude of choice within certain legal bounds
4 : the result of separating or distinguishing


Nothing is more dangerous than a friend without discretion; even a prudent enemy is preferable. - Jean de La Fontaine


Discretion. What an important word, that can be applied to life in so many ways. Words are so important. I need to expand my vocabulary, and communication skills. We all should practice more discretion in our lives. Today with the internet, and social networking communities, we often lose our discretion, and put our lives out there too much. Not everyone needs to know every last little detail of your life.

Discretion also applies to your conversations, and your behaviors. Sometimes things are better left unsaid. I need to practice filtering what I say more often, thinking about what I'm saying before I say it. I need to behave this way as well, thinking about what I'm doing before I'm doing it. Have some discretion, some self control. Make responsible, mature decisions. I'm an adult, I need to talk like one, and behave like one, at all times.

No one wants to be around someone who has no discretion over what he says or does. It's annoying, immature, and child like. Irresponsible. Everyone doesn't want to hear every little problem I have, or every emotion I'm feeling. They don't want to know everything about me. They don't need to know everything about me. At least I had discretion enough to only share this blog with a select few people that I actually know.

Every day is a new day, with a small step forward. One step at a time I'm getting to where I want to be.

Day 43: Intention

"It is not good enough for things to be planned - they still have to be done; for the intention to become a reality, energy has to be launched into operation.” - Walt Kelly

I've been thinking a lot about my intentions lately. As the character of a man, can be judged by his intentions. Are your intentions where they should be? Are you intentions in line with your goals? Intention to change is not change. You have to actually make the changes, but the first step is the intention to change. After you have your intentions correct, then you can begin to make steps forward towards your goals.

Thinking about changing, and continuously talking about changing, is just a waste of time and breath. It gets you no where. Sometimes talking helps, and is needed; but it's not action. It's not productive. Change has to be made in your heart, your mind, and your soul. You have to focus on your ultimate goals, and make a straight line for them. The shortest distance between 2 points is a straight line. Taking any other route would be a waste of time. Live to your maximum potential.

Keep the correct intentions in your mind in your heart; and put your intentions in to your behaviors and your actions. Keep your word. Be honest. Be real, and face reality. Accept the things you cannot change, and have courage to change the things that you can.

Do not accept anything less than your best. Do not settle for anything less than your ultimate desires. Nothing worth while is achieved easily. Do the hard thing, and get what you want. Create yourself. Self-justification: Making yourself right in your own eyes.

Day 39: Frustrations

The fear really hits you. That's what you feel first. And then it's the anger and frustration. Part of the problem is how little we understand about the ultimate betrayal of the body when it rebels against itself. - Charles Bronson

Frustration. Anger. Disappointment. Failure.

Sometimes I lose my lid, and I explode. Unexplainable outbursts. Inexcusable. Irrational. Embarrassing. Rude. Ignorant. Child like. Temper.

I'm not an angry person, I'm not a violent person. Sometimes I just lose my head, and I yell. I raise my voice to decibels unknown to most ears. It's uncalled for, immature, and very irresponsible. It's happened time and time again throughout my life. It's not something I'm proud of. It's my worst trait. It's humiliating. Embarrassing to me, and all of those around me when it happens. It's almost like I have an out of body experience, and I don't even realize what I'm doing, or how ridiculous I'm behaving. Makes me wonder what it looks like, to others, since I can't really see it myself. It's disgusting. It's ugly. 

It's as if a demon lives inside of me, and takes control. I must learn to tame this demon, and over come this evil.

I am no longer a child, there is no excuse for throwing a temper tantrum. Life is not going to always go my way. Sometimes things will upset me. Sometimes people will disappoint me. Sometimes I will upset myself. Sometimes I will disappoint myself, as I often have. Sometimes everyone around me will fail me. I have to learn to be the strong, and control my emotions, and not lose my head.

Apologies don't work anymore. They no longer mean anything. "Sorry I lost it, but hey it WILL happen again in 5 minutes"......that just doesn't work. People do not make me angry, I LET myself get angry. I have to control myself. I cannot control anyone else. No one is out to get me, no one is out to piss me off. It's ME making me angry. It's ME not letting things go. It's ME being an asshole.

Pain is only temporary. Don't sweat the small stuff, and it's all small stuff. Stop getting angry. Stop losing my head. Focus, focus, focus. There is no reason to ever yell, at anyone or anything. Treat people with some common decency and respect. Always stay calm. Remember what doesn't matter. Remember what matters.

Day 36: Genuinity

“There is something in every one of you that waits and listens for the sound of the genuine in yourself. It is the only true guide you will ever have. And if you cannot hear it, you will all of your life spend your days on the ends of strings that somebody else pulls.” - Howard Thurman


Be genuine. Be real. Be a man of you word, and your honor. Hold up your integrity, and your morals. Do not let anyone sway you. That is my desire.

I want to be 100% genuinely me, 100% of the time. I want to be 100% honest, 100% of the time. I want to hold up my integrity, and my beliefs. I want to be respected and admired. I want to be a gentleman. I do not want to be remembered for my faults, mistakes, my errors, or my regrets. I want to be remembered for being a gentleman, a good man, an honest man..

I am not an asshole, but I have had my times where I've done, said or behaved in an asshole-ish kind of way. That I am not proud of. Sometimes it makes me come off as a deuche bag, or an asshole; neither of which is who I am, or who I want to be. I don't ever want that to be questioned, EVER. Life is too short to be arrogant, ignorant, rude or angry.

Be genuine. Be real. Be a man of your word. Behave like a gentleman.

Day 35: Words

If you wish to know the mind of a man, listen to his words. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Words, they can mean so little, and mean so much. Don't let the words that leave your lips, be empty. Choose your words wisely.

Somethings are better left unsaid, and better shown in your actions. Empty statements are useless, and ignorant.

Do not allow your words to make you look ignorant. Do not over use statements, as you will look like a fool.

Speak as if you want to be heard, and use your mind to choose the specific words to day. Also remember, that it is important not only what words you say, but in how you say them. There is a time and place for everything. Do not use your words to control people. Do not use you words for evil. Do not be deceptive. Do not lie. Speak only the truth.

Remember your words are not stronger than your actions. You cannot use even the greatest words to recover from the slightest wrong action. It is true as the saying goes "actions speak louder than words." Actions will always overtake words.

Always choose the correct words, at the right moment. Only speak from the heart, with honesty. Remember that silence is often louder, and more appropriate than any word you can say. Sometimes it is best to say nothing at all, rather than waste your breath in uttering things that are meaningless. Do not speak just to speak.

English proverb : Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. Such a true statement. Don't open your mouth and speak, unless it's necessary. Do not abuse the art of language, and good conversation.

Perfect the art of communication, and conversation.

Day 33: Mind

Mind over Matter.

Everything in life comes down to Mind over Matter. Your mind, controls what you do, and what you don't do. You can control your own behavior.
It's all just a matter of self control, and focus. Mind over matter.

You can't blame your actions on anything or anyone else. You're responsible for your own actions, and only yours.

Take control of your mind, take control of your life.

I must focus my mind over matter. I need to stop blaming outside things, and those around me. Personal responsibility is important. If you truly respect and trust yourself, you'll hold yourself accountable.

In order to be a good mate, you need to be self responsible, accountable, and trust worthy.

Trust in yourself, and hold yourself accountable.

Day 27: Balls

All I have in this world is my balls and my word, and I don't break them for no one. - Scarface

That quote means a lot to me, and I wish I had heard it when I was young. It's about integrity, and honesty. All you really have in this world is you, and your word. Don't damage your reputation. Don't break yourself, and don't break your word.

You only have one chance with people, to prove yourself to them, to be honest with them. It can all be changed in an instance, if you break your word with them. If you let them down, they're not going to hold you in the same esteem as they once did; or that you want them too.

You must give respect, and honesty, to earn respect and honesty from others. You cannot demand respect and honesty, if you don't first give it yourself.

Be honest with yourself, and be honest with others. Don't let yourself, or others down.

If you make your bed you lie in it, if you dig your grave you die in it.

Day 23: Space

"She needs wide open spaces
Room to make her big mistakes..." Dixie Chicks

Today it finally hit me dead in the face. I'm doing everything wrong if I ever want her in my life again.

I can't continue to smother her with love, begging, pleading, crying, or guilt tripping. It will never work that way. If she ever wants to be in my life again, it has to be her choice. That's the way it has to be. I can't change the way she feels, or make her do what I want her to do. Ultimately I only want her to do what she wants to do, and what makes her happy. I have to back off.

I have to let her know that I am here for her, but that I can live without her, and that I am fine.

I have to give her room to breathe, wide open space. To let her do what she wants to do. I can't continue to bombard her with questions, and feelings. It's only pushing her further and further away each day over and over again. That will never make her come back to me, or even want to be friends with me.

Giving her space, and also giving myself space to heal. Taking this time to focus on me, and my happiness, and bettering myself. It's been 23 days since I started this blog, and nearly 2 months since we broke up. I do feel like I'm headed in the right direction, but I'm still not where I want to be.  I want there to be a change in me, that she can see, and that anyone can see that truly knows me.

What she does every minute of her day does not concern me. I do not need to know everything, and I do not need to talk to her every day. I need to just be me, and to stop worrying and focusing so much on her; it's only distracting me from working and focusing on ME.

If there is something I need to know, or she wants to see me, or wants to talk to me; I'm sure she will let me know. She already knows how I feel about her, and that I miss her like hell. I don't need to tell her that every day. I don't need to pour my heart out to her anymore. She already knows everything, and I've told her time and time again. I don't need to ask her to hang out, I don't need to text her, I don't need to call her. The ball is in her court. I don't need to constantly bombard her, and shove everything in her face. It's only making her miserable too, and making her feel guilty. She has nothing to feel guilty for.

We all just need a little room to breathe.

I cannot be a stage 5 cling on.
Leave her be. Let her do what she wants to do.

Day 15: Gratitude

"Gratitude is the absolute way to bring more into your life" - unknown

30 Days to a Better Man: Day 5 Cultivate Your Gratitude

I've been slacking a little bit on the 30 Days to a Better Man challenge. Today is Monday, so I'm putting myself back on track today, and going to complete it. Today the challenge is to Cultivate Your Gratitude. Showing your gratitude and appreciate are very important in life, in many ways. Showing your appreciation to in your friendships, relationships, family, and career; will help a long ways.

Negativity, and not showing appreciation for others, is rude, ungrateful and arrogant. As a boss, you should show appreciation to your employees, it helps with work morale. No one wants their employees to hate their employer, and the work they do. As a friend, you should show appreciation, to your friends. As a son, brother, and uncle, I should show appreciation to all of my family, who's always been there for me; even when I wasn't worthy. You should show appreciation, and be thankful for all the things, and people in your life.

I know I'm often ungrateful, and I take people and things for granted. Someone does something really nice out of no where for me, and I can barely say thank you. Sometimes it's because I'm nervous, and embarrassed, but it's still rude. I need to always make sure, that I show people how much I appreciate what they've done for me, even in the little things. I am very grateful for the people that have been in my life, and that are still in my life. I appreciate the things they do for me, and that they care about me. I need to make sure that I always be sure that they know this, with my actions, and behaviors towards them. They need to know that I always appreciate them.

Here's ten things I'm grateful for:

1. My Parents. They've both always been there for me, no matter what, even when I definitely deserved a good swift kick to the head and tough love, they always showed me unconditional love.
2. Her, while we are not together anymore, I am very grateful that she came in to my life, and that she still talks to me. She is an amazing person, and she means the world to me. She is my best friend, and she always knows just what to say or do to make me smile. I know she cares about me more than I know. Even when I've been a jerk, or done something completely ridiculous, she's still been there for me. She has an ability to let things go, that I admire. Her smile rivets me.
3. Her family. They've always been very, very nice to me; even when I've been rude, or embarrassing.
4. My brother. While him and I haven't always got a long, or seen eye to eye; he's always been there for me when I needed him.
5. My sister. While we're not as close as we were when we were kids; she's always been there for me when I needed her, and gives great advice about things. She's always shown me unconditional love too.
6. Our dog, that I have with her. She's adorable, and ton of fun to spend time with. She's always full of energy, and always brings a smile to my face.
7. My job. While I hate my job, because of the low pay, and the system of how my job works. I am still thankful that I have a job. Michigan's economy sucks, and the unemployment rate is sky high, but I still have a job.
8. My apartment. While it is small, and quaint, and sometimes my cable is shut off, and I get bored sitting in it; I am thankful that I have it. It is a decent apartment, with good neighbors, and it suits it purpose.
9. My friend N, that lives near me, that hangs out with me sometimes. He's a good guy, have known him my whole life, and we always have a lot of fun when we hang out; even if it's months between, it's like we've never stopped talking.
10. My friend J, while we don't see each other often, because our lives are busy; he's a great guy, and we always have a lot of fun when we get together.

From now on, I'm going to make sure people know I appreciate them, and that I am grateful for all that they do for me. Even just having them as part of my life is something for me to be thankful for.

Be more positive, and always be sure to show my appreciation.

Day 10: Attraction

"I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while......"

The laws of attraction are simple. Even a child can understand them. Positive attracts positive, negative attracts negative. While we all know this is true, why is it so hard for us to actually do?

Her and I, while we were together went through phases of both positivity and negativity. A roller coaster of emotions. When we first met, I was positive, and she was positive, which encouraged more positivity. We fed off of each others energy.

Then at some points we got stressed out with life, our relationships, our jobs, our finances, and things got negative. We both fed off of each others negativity, which led to a lot of anger and resentment. We became selfish, and began putting ourselves before the relationship. Our friendship suffered, our relationship suffered. We should have been a team, and supporting each other through our hard days, but instead we made them worse for each other. We both couldn't stop thinking about our own problems, or even begin to try to imagine how the other person was feeling. We were selfish, and unkind.

Our positivity is a big part of what brought us together, and bonded us in the begining. We both were happy, and excited for life. We both had plans for our life, and things were going well in our lives. We were excited to have someone to share it with, and we fell in love with each other. At the begining, we both had a lot more money, and we're able to go and do a lot more things. Then money got tight, and our lives got busier, with work, school, families, and life.

Fights happened. We both lost our heads sometimes. Talking our problems out was not our strong point, and something we both need to work at. In a relationship you need to be able to tell each other how you're feeling, without fear of a fight. Problems and feelings should be able to be discussed, openly and honestly.

We both didn't treat each other how we should have, and we are both to blame. She'd say something mean, I'd say something mean back. She'd ask for something in a rude way, I'd give her a rude excuse. She'd ask for a massage, I'd tell her no.

We let the stress of our lives get to us, and brought it in to our relationships. We were both going through a very stressful point in our lives, and we should have helped each other get through it as a team. We should have supported each other. Instead we fought each other, and made it even harder.

I know that if we were given another chance, if she will give us one, that we could make things work. I know that what we had was real, and amazing. I know that this love is tangible. We both need to work on ourselves, and learn how to support each other in a relationship. We need to learn to be a team, and to lose our selfish atitudes. Counseling could have helped, but she refused.

I'm not blaming her for us not being together. I know I am just as much to blame, if not more. I know my anger is the biggest source of the problem. She fed off of my anger, which then made her angry. If my anger hadn't been there, I'm sure her anger wouldn't have been there. If I had always put her first, I'm sure she would have put me first. We both need to mature, and grow up. Stress, and life happen, and we both must learn to get through them, together, as a team, and not bring others down with us. We must learn to support each other completely. We must learn to trust each other completely with our hearts, and know that they want what is best for us as well.

Love, is taking care of each other, supporting each other, and being a team.

Day 7: Stage 5 Clinger

I habitually text her too much. I bug her too much.

I need to stop texting her so often. She is my best friend, and we do text each other a lot, and have a lot of conversations in text. But, I do not need to talk to her constantly throughout the day. I don't need to be a stage 5 clinger. It's pathetic. Every time I get bored, I don't have to text her, and I shouldn't. It's annoying. Texting isn't bad, but overly bugging someone with it is rude

Resist from telling her every dumb thought and emotion that I go through. She does not need to be bothered. If I have something I must say to her, save it. Tell her later, in real conversation or wait until she texts me. If she wants to talk to me, she'll call or text me. If she doesn't, than it's probably best to leave her be. Let her enjoy her day, let her live her life. Give her space.

If she does call me, wants to talk, or texts me, don't assume that it's the opportunity and time to ask her to hang out. We all know what happens when we 'assume', we make an 'ass out of you and me'. We don't have to see each other every day, and we shouldn't, especially under the current circumstances.  Let her do what she wants to do, without making her feel guilty. Respect her, give her space. Let her be.

If she wants to hang out with me, great. If she doesn't, that's okay too. If she wants to hang out, I'm sure she'll let me know. I don't have to ask her every single day. If she doesn't ask to hang out, then she obviously doesn't want to. Her not wanting to hang out, does not excuse me to be a asshole, or give her grief about it either. We are just friends. I cannot expect her to want to hang out with me. I must understand and accept that she doesn't always want to hang out with me. I cannot let myself take that personally. I must let her do what she wants to do.

Day 3: The Epitome

Have you ever woken up and realized you're the epitome of everything you hate in this world? Your own arch nemesis? That's where I am this morning.
I am disgusted with myself. I hate who I am. I am an ugly person.

I don't know when I became this person, was I always this person? Was this my fate and destiny? Can a person really truly change anything about themself? Is personal will strong enough to change? I'd like to believe that I can. I've been trying for the longest time, but it doesn't seem I'm trying hard enough.

Last night I asked her if she thought she's noticed a change in my behaviors and actions. Her response was No that she hasn't noticed a change, but that she can tell that I'm making an effort to try. I have to agree with her. I wish I had a camera recording my behavior, so I could really see how I act sometimes. I wish I could put myself in to her shoes and see what I've done. Is it out of my control? Can a person realy control who they are? I believe they can.

It comes down to personal responsibility. I have to be responsible for my own actions, every single action. Every breath, every second, every minute, hour and day, my actions are mine, and I control them. I have to take control of me. I cannot let emotions or hormones control me. I have to grow up. There are no more excuses or explanations, there never were.

My anger is the biggest problem. I lose control too easily. Anger is a normal emotion, that we all feel, but it is how we respond to it and channel it that makes the difference. I haven't ever learned how to channel it properly. I am an embarassment to be around. If you hang out with me long enough, I'll probably scream at you, and then apologize 2 seconds later when you're mad.Yelling, swearing, arguing, and putting people down is not EVER appropriate. It is not excusable.

I am sick of hearing myself say the word's "I'm sorry". While I know I genuinely mean it from my heart when I say it, it's like a broken record at this point. The word's have completely lost their meaning. Having to say "I'm sorry" repeatedly to those I care about most, is sickening. That's really the person I've become.

I am a fake. I put on a nice front that I am a good, kind, calm and considerate person. In reality though, that's what I want to be, that's who I was raised to be, but that is not who I am.  It's time for REAL change, not tomorrow, not next week. Right now