Day 62: Organization

“Organize your life around your dreams - and watch them come true.” - Unknown

I need to get my life my organized. Organize and sort my belongings. Remove the clutter. Remove the unnecessary. Remember what it is important, and place it as such in my life.

I need to organize my mind, and life; and focus on attaining my goals. Remove the stress. Keep things organized, neat, and tidy. Let things be. Be more responsible. Be an adult. Grow up.

I need to stop postponing removing the trash in my life. The thoughts. The ideas. The ignorance. I need to just remove them, and move forward head first. Face my battles on my own. Overcome my fears on my own. Overcome my insecurities, weaknesses, and frustrations on my own. I need to be proud of who I am, but recognize my faults, and my failures. I need to better myself, and continue to work harder to be who I want to be. Organize my thoughts, and my goals. Retain my focus, and keep it where it belongs, on the the future.

I need to remove the bad habits in my life, the bad behaviors, the irrational decisions and reactions. I need to create new, good habits, good behaviors, and be more rational with my decisions and reactions. I need to be a  kinder person. I need to be more considerate. I need to stop being so serious all the time. I need to learn to take a joke, and not take everything so personally. I'm too sensitive.

Organize my thoughts, my life, my mind, my goals, my achievements, my failures. Work towards my future with organization, good intentions, good actions, and focus.

Day 45: Wants

I know exactly what I want. Everything. Calm, peace, tranquility,
freedom, fun, happiness. If I could make all that one word, I would - a
many-syllabled word. - Johnny Depp

We all have wants within us we hope to fulfill. Our true hart desires. The things we ware most passionate about. The things that fill our thoughts and time. Sometimes these wants overwhelm us, and it kills our productivity. It kills our soul, and we begin to focus too much on what we do not have and only on what we want. We begin to think that our wants are our needs, and that our needs are just given rights. That is foolish and naive.

There is nothing wrong with having wants, desires, but you must know that they are wants. That you don't need them. That in not having them, you're not going to die. Once you know this, you can work towards your goals, and achieving your wants appropriately. Follow your heart. Do not deceive yourself what your true desires are. Never give up what you want most, for what you want at the moment. Trust your heart.

My Wants:

• To Become a Nurse
• Happiness
• Good friends
• True love
• To Always have fun.
• To Laugh often.
• Become a better photographer
• My own family some day.
• To be wanted.

Those are my wants in this world. It's true as the line goes, the best things in life are free. Nearly everyone shares these same desires. Who doesn't want success? Happiness? Love? Family? To be wanted? Most people would agree that they want some or all of these same things.

Wants do not outweigh needs, but they are important in life as well. Just always remember your needs being fulfilled are more important, and that your wants are not necessities in life. Don't make someone feel like you need them, no one wants to feel needed. They want to feel wanted. Don't focus too much on your career that you forget to have fun, and enjoy life. Don't focus only on having fun either. Evenly direct your focus on your goals so you can achieve them, in the proper fashion. Don't let anything stop you from getting what you want in life.

Don't ever forget what you truly want in life.

Day 30: Family

Family, are the friends that God chose for you; that will always be there for you.

Sometimes I don't realize how important my family is to me, and how great my parents are to me.

I hadn't told my mom about my ADD Dr. visits I went to, until last night when I called her. I was embarrassed to tell her about it. She discussed it with me, and asked me why I went. I explained it to her, and she fully agreed and supported me. That's why I love my mom, she's always there for me when I need her most, and always supports my decisions.

My brother and I, we may not always see eye to eye about things; but he is always there for me when I need him. Same with my sister, she's quite a bit older than me, and knows a lot more about life than I do. She's great with advice, and while we don't always agree or get along, she's always there for me too. Dad's always been there for me as well, when he can be; especially now that he's on the road all the time for work. It's harder for him. He always asks my mom where I'm at when I don't stop by their house on the weekends. That's how I know he cares.

I really cherish my family, and I know that sometimes I take them for granted. I need to be more grateful, and appreciative of them. They know I"m always here for them as well. I'm excited for family time later this week, going bowling for my brothers birthday.

Taking life one day at a time. Today was a good day. I did cry again today, but I haven't been crying every day. I'm getting stronger. It's still very hard. Baby steps.

Day 26: Money

Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. - Unknown

Over the past several months I've learned some things about money. I'm not ever going to be rich, and I don't really ever want to be rich. I only want to be successful in what I do, and be able to live comfortably. Right now I'm living, and getting by but not comfortably. Once I become a Nurse that will change, but that is a long ways off at this point.

I've realized money is not the most important thing in this world. The most important things in this world are free. Money cannot buy you happiness, never has, never will. It can by you things to try to fill the void in your life, but it cannot buy you happiness.

In our relationship, I was often selfish when it came to money; and I'm sure I often used it as a way to control things. It wasn't right. She didn't have very much money, due to working part time and going to school full time. I didn't have very much money either, because my job doesn't pay much. We mostly lived on my money. She took care of her personal bills, I took care of mine and the rent. There were times where I could have helped her more, when I did sometimes have money available, and I never offered. I was selfish, and rude. She's helped me more times than I can count when I've needed a little extra money just to get through the week, or brought me groceries when my fridge was empty. She also paid for our whole Vegas trip last year, spent several thousands of dollars, we had a blast. It was a quick trip, and it's easty to forget how much money was spent.

She was going through one of the msot stressful times of her life, and I wasn't supportive of her. That's what she wanted most, was support. Instead we often ended up in fights about our finances and how tight money was. She wasn't trying to take my money from me, I wasn't trying to take her money from her. We were both just stressed out and very financially stressed. Last year was a very hard year financially for both of us.

Our rent always got paid, and we never starved. Our power never got shut off. Things got rough sometimes, but we always some how made it to the next payday.

Money is really not worth fighting over. You either have it or you don't; if you don't; there's no point in fighting about it. In a relationship you have to work together as a team, and support each other. Even when life gets stressful, and the going gets tough, you have to be strong and staycalm. Arguing about it just made the situation more stressful, tore us apart, and pitted us against each other.

I wish I had realized this sooner.

I'm trying to help and support her now as much as I can.
Luckily she's still my friend.

Money will come and money will go. Money is not everything.

Day 22: Death

“Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.” - Gandhi

Life is too short. You never know when you will take your final breathe. Do not take a moment of your life for granted. Cherish and treasure the time you spend with the ones you love.

This morning, her grandfather passed away. I didn't know him very well, but I did know him, and he was a really awesome person, with tons of stories. He was a pilot, he was in the Navy. He was a father, a husband, a grandfather. An American hero. He'll surely be remembered and missed. I hope to be able to go to the funeral in the coming days.

I feel horrible for her, and her family. Especially her grandmother. My deep heartfelt condolences are with all of the family. They have a great family, and I'm sure they will carry each other through this. My thoughts and prayers go out to them.

Death always seems so unreal when it happens. It takes time to sink in. It's always shocking, no matter what the circumstances.

It just hits home, that life is short; and that I need to not take anyone in my life for granted. I need to make sure to go see my grandparents in Alabama this year. I need to make sure to go see my grandmother that lives an hour away more often. I need to go see my sister, brother-in-law and my niece more often. I need to go see my parents and brother more. I want to cherish the memories and time spent with them forever.

I haven't been to Alabama in several years, I really miss going down there. It's very relaxing and comfortable at my grandparents house. They're the only house that I've ever stayed in, where I've felt completely relaxed, as if I was at home. I don't even completely feel that way at my own parents house anymore, it's not my home.

Life is short. You get no second chances. You live once. You die once. How you live, and the impressions you leave on peoples lives; is completely up to you. How do you want to be remembered? Live as if you're going to die tomorrow. Laugh often, dance, smile, and enjoy life before it's over. Reach for your dreams, and your goals. Don't let your failures stop you, use them as encouragement to try harder. Life is too short to live it unhappy, and angry. Live much learn often, and love always. Never forget those who mean most to you.

I would not feel complete to die right now, and not rest well with how I would be remembered. While I am not a bad person, I am not a great person either. I want to be a great person. I want to be remembered as someone that people were happy to meet, and happy to have in their lives. Someone who motivated them to reach their own full potential.

That's how I remember both of my grandfathers. Luckily one of them is still alive, for me to spend more time with.

I hope to carry on their legacy, and make them proud. Hope for courage, try for honor.

Friends

30 Days to a Better Man Day 7: Reconnect with an Old Friend

Yesterday's challenge for Day 7 of 30 Days to a Better Man, was Reconnect with an Old Friend. I'm loosely going off of this one. I'm reconnecting with some friends that I already am friends with, that aren't as close as I'd like them to be.

I've always put my relationships before my friendships, and not made friendships a priority in my life. I need to make the friendships in my life a priority, and not let a relationship be an excuse to lose contact with them. Relationships are amazing, but they can't be my only focus when I'm in them. I must have other friends as well, whether I'm in a relationship, or single. She is not the reason that my friendships weren't a priority, and she always encouraged me to go see my friends; I just never did. I'm the one to blame.

Friendships are important to have in your life, with people of both sexes. Some are meant to be best friends, while others are meant to be casual friends. Either way, friendships are an important part of life. They're fun to spend time with, and great to talk to when you have a problem and need advice.

Once I get my tax refund next week, I should be able to see my friends more frequently. I've been really strapped financially lately, and haven't been able to afford to go out. So with my tax refund, and proper budgeting, I'll be able to go out and see them occassionally. I really look forward to hanging out with my friends more often, and building those frienships again.

I didn't think this one was necessary to reconnect with some long lost childhood friend. Didn't really think of any long lost childhood friends to reconnect with, other than the few that I'm currently friends with that I want in my life more.

By the end of the year, I want to have more close friendships.

Day 17: Priorities

"Decide what you want, decide what you are willing to exchange for it. Esatblishyour priorities and go to work" - H. L. Hunt

I really need to determine what my priorities are. What is most important to me, what my goals are, and how I'm going to reach them. Then I need to put my plan in to action.

My priorities:

1. My family. Always being there for them when they need me. Being the son, and brother that I want to be.
2. Bettering myself, my personality, atitude, anger, character for the rest of my life. Always striving to be better.
3. Becoming a nurse, and reaching my goals in my career as  nurse.
4. Eventually getting married, and being the best husband, and father that I can be.
5. Always remembering what is most important to me, never sacrificing my priorities for anything or anyone.

If I remember those 5 key priorities in my life, it will help me in all areas of my life. It will give me more self confidence, better character, and will better me in my relationships, friendships, career, and life.

Hope for courage, try for honor.