Day 52: Workout

Anyone's life truly lived consists of work, sunshine, exercise, soap, plenty of fresh air, and a happy contented spirit.  - Lillie Langtry

Finally got back in the gym tonight, after about a month off. Felt great to get back in the gym. Thought I was barely going to make it through my workout routine, but actually did longer than I usually do on each machine.

I need to make working out a routine, a mandatory, necessary routine. It's good for me, and there is no excuse not to other than laziness. I have plenty of time to go to the gym, and I really need to be going to the gym.

I want to have a work out routine, and go at least 3 or 4 times a week, for at least an hour. I'm 25 years old, and by medical standards I'm 'obese'. I need to lose weight, I must lose weight. I must get in better shape. I am not happy with my body physically, it's frustrating, and disgusting. If I'm going to be a nurse, I need to lose weight. To be able to be active, and on my feet all day in a job, I need to be in better shape.

I did 30 minutes on the elliptical, squats, leg lifts of 75 lbs, arms 75 lbs on a couple different machines. It really felt great afterwards. I wasn't wore out, but my muscles were sore, and it felt good. Worked out for about an hour.

Last time I was at the doctor he told me my blood pressure is slightly high, and my cholesterol is slightly high. He told me I need to be more active, and work out more; and to eliminate stress. Working out will do all of that, will get me more active, and eliminate stress.

It's amazing how much better you feel mentally and physically after working out. It's a naturally high. The release of endorphins, and the energy you get is incredible. Being lazy is not worth it.

Now that it's getting to be spring, it makes it a lot easier to be more active as well. I need to get outside more, and enjoy the weather now. Go for walks, go out and take pictures, be more active.

Workout more. Lose weight. Be in better shape. Be in a better mood. Have more energy.

Medication

30 Days to A Better Man: Day 6: Update Your Resume

Today in 30 Days to a Better Man, the challenge is to update your resume. Fortunately my resume is already up to date, and I just reviewed it.

Today I went to the ADD doctor for my follow up appointment. My blood test results came back good. My cholesterol is slightly high, and my blood pressure is slightly high. Need more exercise, and less stress the doctor suggested. He had an EKG done on me today, and the results of that were good.

He prescribed Vyvanse to me. I'll start taking it next week, once I get paid and can afford to get it filled.

We discussed my concerns about side effects of the drug. My biggest fear is that it will make me feel dependent on it, that I'll feel like I have to have it to be 'me'. He said that it will not give me a dependency feeling. The most common side effects are loss of appetite, trouble sleeping, and weight loss. In rare cases it will give psychotic side effects, and you'll notice that immediately in the first day.

The weight loss side effect, will cause me to lose 10-15% of my body weight, in the first 2 months he said. I may continue to lose more after that. This will really help me with my weight loss goals, working out, and getting in better shape.

The doctor said that I'll also have a whole new outlook on life, and that people will perceive me differently. He said it will really help me in work, school, and my relationships. It will give me the focus, and attention that I need to give in all areas of my life.

I am very anxious to see if it really lives up to it's hype, and if it will actually help as much as I hope it will. I know it won't be a miracle do all pill, and that it is going to help me some; but it will not fix everything. A lot of my problems, are mine, and can only be fixed by self control, and personal responsibility. It's time to man up.

Day 2

Trying to keep my head up.

Day 4 of 30 Days to a Better Man: Increase Your Testosterone. Workingout was my first step to that this morning. Today I'm working out, keeping stress under control, going to meditate for 10 minutes, and not eat soy. All of those things will help me with increasing my testosterone, and stress relief. I need both.

Hit the gym this morning alone. She was supposed to come with me, but when I called her this morning she wasn't feeling good. Having some chest congestion, and didn't sleep well. I controlled my emotions, and did not let myself get upset or mad. Was a little bummed, but I stayed strong. Told her to feel better.

Felt great to get back in the gym. I don't know how to get through a workout without my iPod. It's almost mentally painful to workout without music. Been listening to a lot of good music lately. Three Days Grace, Something Corporate and The Script have been helping me get through my days lately. Some lyrics are just so passionate, so expressive of raw emotion. It's amzing.

Really need to make working out a routine, and just stick with it. Hard work always pays off.

Today I'm going to focus on working on my jealousy, lonliness, and staying calm. I can't let things that I cannot control ruin my day or overtake my emotions. Need to learn to accept, that I am the only person I can depend on, and the only person I can control. I have to keep my head up.

2010 a New Me

Before I met her, I was proud of myself, and who I was becoming. I had things together, and felt like I had a plan for my life. Everything was coming together, and she added to that completeness.

That was 2 years ago.

Now today, when I think about myself, I'm not proud of who I am. I don't have things together, but I still have a plan. Somethings have just fallen apart, with the help of lifes usual stress and struggles. I hate my job. I hate my income. I hate that I'm stuck on a wait list for Nursing school, and that I don't know when I will get in, or when I'll ever actually be an RN. I'm a very literal person, and I have a hard time looking more than 3 feet infront of me in life. Immidiate gratifcation is what I always want, if it's not immidiately attainable, I get frustrated.

I'm always stressed out. I've gained weight, and I'm out of shape. I feel like Nursing school is forever away because of the wait list. Financially, I'm very unstable, and living paycheck to paycheck, barely able to make ends meet sometimes. I hate not knowing if I can spend money on food, because I need it for rent, or gas to get to work, or other bills. I'm sick of getting late and shut off notices. Every time my cell phone gets shut off, I wonder if I could just live without a phone. I don't think I can. I'm lonely, and I lack close friends that most people have. I'm not a loser, I'm attractive, I'm nice, and I am fun to hang out with. I should have friends.

This is why 2010 is the year for a new me. It's time for a better me. I began to search for ways to better myself. I've started actual making use of my gym membership. Working out makes your days go so much better, and makes you feel so much better. The release of endorphine is amazing. I've got one final class this semester before I'm completely wait listed at school.

I've made a couple long over due doctor appointments for this week as well. I'm taking steps in the right direction finally. One step at a time. Some of these steps are making me face my fears, and are challenging, but they are going to help me become the person I want to be.

I came across a web site titled The Art Of Manliness. They have a lot of really great information, and articles, on how to become a better man. I want to be someone people admire, and respect. Someone people think are geunine, real, someone with some real integrity. So I'm challenging myself to complete the 30 Days To A Better Man  series that The Art Of Manliness posted. It's 30 days of things to do, to better yourself as a man, in many aspects of your life. I've completed the first 3 days, and so far it is great. I'd recommend it to any guy who wants to better themselves.

I'm not wanting to better myself just for her, but also for me. For without being a better me, I cannot be who I want to be for anyone. I'll continue to share how my progress through the 30 Days To A Better Man challenge goes.