Friends

30 Days to a Better Man Day 7: Reconnect with an Old Friend

Yesterday's challenge for Day 7 of 30 Days to a Better Man, was Reconnect with an Old Friend. I'm loosely going off of this one. I'm reconnecting with some friends that I already am friends with, that aren't as close as I'd like them to be.

I've always put my relationships before my friendships, and not made friendships a priority in my life. I need to make the friendships in my life a priority, and not let a relationship be an excuse to lose contact with them. Relationships are amazing, but they can't be my only focus when I'm in them. I must have other friends as well, whether I'm in a relationship, or single. She is not the reason that my friendships weren't a priority, and she always encouraged me to go see my friends; I just never did. I'm the one to blame.

Friendships are important to have in your life, with people of both sexes. Some are meant to be best friends, while others are meant to be casual friends. Either way, friendships are an important part of life. They're fun to spend time with, and great to talk to when you have a problem and need advice.

Once I get my tax refund next week, I should be able to see my friends more frequently. I've been really strapped financially lately, and haven't been able to afford to go out. So with my tax refund, and proper budgeting, I'll be able to go out and see them occassionally. I really look forward to hanging out with my friends more often, and building those frienships again.

I didn't think this one was necessary to reconnect with some long lost childhood friend. Didn't really think of any long lost childhood friends to reconnect with, other than the few that I'm currently friends with that I want in my life more.

By the end of the year, I want to have more close friendships.

Medication

30 Days to A Better Man: Day 6: Update Your Resume

Today in 30 Days to a Better Man, the challenge is to update your resume. Fortunately my resume is already up to date, and I just reviewed it.

Today I went to the ADD doctor for my follow up appointment. My blood test results came back good. My cholesterol is slightly high, and my blood pressure is slightly high. Need more exercise, and less stress the doctor suggested. He had an EKG done on me today, and the results of that were good.

He prescribed Vyvanse to me. I'll start taking it next week, once I get paid and can afford to get it filled.

We discussed my concerns about side effects of the drug. My biggest fear is that it will make me feel dependent on it, that I'll feel like I have to have it to be 'me'. He said that it will not give me a dependency feeling. The most common side effects are loss of appetite, trouble sleeping, and weight loss. In rare cases it will give psychotic side effects, and you'll notice that immediately in the first day.

The weight loss side effect, will cause me to lose 10-15% of my body weight, in the first 2 months he said. I may continue to lose more after that. This will really help me with my weight loss goals, working out, and getting in better shape.

The doctor said that I'll also have a whole new outlook on life, and that people will perceive me differently. He said it will really help me in work, school, and my relationships. It will give me the focus, and attention that I need to give in all areas of my life.

I am very anxious to see if it really lives up to it's hype, and if it will actually help as much as I hope it will. I know it won't be a miracle do all pill, and that it is going to help me some; but it will not fix everything. A lot of my problems, are mine, and can only be fixed by self control, and personal responsibility. It's time to man up.

Day 16: Confession

Why is the person we disappoint the most in life, always ourself?

This is a public confession, of something I did yesterday, that I am not proud of. Something that was very rude, and definitely crossed the line. It was border line crazy, and stalker like.

Yesterday morning, I hacked into her cell phone account online. I did it, because I know she texts that other guy, and jealousy over came me, and I went a bit crazy about it, and I had to see how much they were texting. I got nothing out of it, and it actually made me feel worse after doing it, because then I really could see clearly how often they text. Sometimes for hours on end, sometimes just a few texts back and forth. Not every day, like she said. She had already told me everything that I could see here.

Why did I have to go in, and violate her trust like that? Why did I allow my jealousy to overcome me and make such an impulsive decision?

I then told her friend what I had done, and told her I was going to tell her later in the day after she got out of work. I told her friend, that I was going to stop asking 'her' about him, as it is honestly none of my business, and it doesn't do many any good. Her friend got a hold of her before me, and told her what I did. I should have known that her friend would do that; any true friend would, and should. I don't blame her friend for telling her. I wish I would have gotten to tell her first though.

She trusted me with her passwords, and personal information. I abused that trust. I violated her privacy, for what? To find out, what she'd already told me. What a jerk. What she does, who she talks to, where she goes; is honestly none of my business anymore. We are not together; she is not my girlfriend, and she's not even my best friend anymore; so it is definitely not my business. An apology wouldn't even be suffice. What I did was wrong, and I knew it.

I haven't talked to her since yesterday. Today has been a pretty silent day to me. Silence is good. I need to learn to be silent, and to not do impulsive crazy/stalker like things.

Why do I always let myself down, and those around me; just when I think I'm doing so well and trying to focus on me? I'm a failure. Can people ever really change? I've tried it so many times, and failed at it; that I'm not sure if I really believe we can or not. I'm such a mess. I can clearly see why she's not my girlfriend, and why I lack close friendships.

I have a long, long road ahead of me.

Day 15: Gratitude

"Gratitude is the absolute way to bring more into your life" - unknown

30 Days to a Better Man: Day 5 Cultivate Your Gratitude

I've been slacking a little bit on the 30 Days to a Better Man challenge. Today is Monday, so I'm putting myself back on track today, and going to complete it. Today the challenge is to Cultivate Your Gratitude. Showing your gratitude and appreciate are very important in life, in many ways. Showing your appreciation to in your friendships, relationships, family, and career; will help a long ways.

Negativity, and not showing appreciation for others, is rude, ungrateful and arrogant. As a boss, you should show appreciation to your employees, it helps with work morale. No one wants their employees to hate their employer, and the work they do. As a friend, you should show appreciation, to your friends. As a son, brother, and uncle, I should show appreciation to all of my family, who's always been there for me; even when I wasn't worthy. You should show appreciation, and be thankful for all the things, and people in your life.

I know I'm often ungrateful, and I take people and things for granted. Someone does something really nice out of no where for me, and I can barely say thank you. Sometimes it's because I'm nervous, and embarrassed, but it's still rude. I need to always make sure, that I show people how much I appreciate what they've done for me, even in the little things. I am very grateful for the people that have been in my life, and that are still in my life. I appreciate the things they do for me, and that they care about me. I need to make sure that I always be sure that they know this, with my actions, and behaviors towards them. They need to know that I always appreciate them.

Here's ten things I'm grateful for:

1. My Parents. They've both always been there for me, no matter what, even when I definitely deserved a good swift kick to the head and tough love, they always showed me unconditional love.
2. Her, while we are not together anymore, I am very grateful that she came in to my life, and that she still talks to me. She is an amazing person, and she means the world to me. She is my best friend, and she always knows just what to say or do to make me smile. I know she cares about me more than I know. Even when I've been a jerk, or done something completely ridiculous, she's still been there for me. She has an ability to let things go, that I admire. Her smile rivets me.
3. Her family. They've always been very, very nice to me; even when I've been rude, or embarrassing.
4. My brother. While him and I haven't always got a long, or seen eye to eye; he's always been there for me when I needed him.
5. My sister. While we're not as close as we were when we were kids; she's always been there for me when I needed her, and gives great advice about things. She's always shown me unconditional love too.
6. Our dog, that I have with her. She's adorable, and ton of fun to spend time with. She's always full of energy, and always brings a smile to my face.
7. My job. While I hate my job, because of the low pay, and the system of how my job works. I am still thankful that I have a job. Michigan's economy sucks, and the unemployment rate is sky high, but I still have a job.
8. My apartment. While it is small, and quaint, and sometimes my cable is shut off, and I get bored sitting in it; I am thankful that I have it. It is a decent apartment, with good neighbors, and it suits it purpose.
9. My friend N, that lives near me, that hangs out with me sometimes. He's a good guy, have known him my whole life, and we always have a lot of fun when we hang out; even if it's months between, it's like we've never stopped talking.
10. My friend J, while we don't see each other often, because our lives are busy; he's a great guy, and we always have a lot of fun when we get together.

From now on, I'm going to make sure people know I appreciate them, and that I am grateful for all that they do for me. Even just having them as part of my life is something for me to be thankful for.

Be more positive, and always be sure to show my appreciation.

Find a Mentor

30 Days to a Better Man Day 3: Find a Mentor

Day 3 challenges you to find a mentor. Someone you admire, that you aspire to be like, that you'd like to have as a role model in your life. It asked you to think of 3 people, and ask them. I thought of three, the first one being my brother-in-law, the second my best male friend Josh, and the third being her uncle, or her father.

I asked the person who I thought would be most willing to be my mentor, who would be available, and who would be comfortable with it. Her uncle, and father, would be awckward situations. My best male friend would have been a good option as well, but he works a lot, and has a family, so obligations and time could get in the way. I asked him, to be a closer friend, instead of hanging out once every couple months or so, when we think up something big to do, to hang out at least once a month. He agreed that we should hang out more.

For my mentor, I asked my brother-in-law. He gladly accepted, and wants to get together at least once a month and hang out and get to know each other better.

He's a great guy, that I really admire. He's much more calm than I am. He's not as edgy as I am. His finances are better aligned, as he's a financial advisor. He has a great relationship with my sister, is a great husband to her, and a great father to my recently born niece. He's in a lot better shape than I am. He knows how to run. He knows how to communicate properly without screaming, and getting angry. He's positive, and motivated.

I think I can learn a lot from him, and I would like to be more like him. Some of his views are more conservative than mine, and we have some differing opionions I'm sure; but I'm sure that I can still learn from him, and he can be a great mentor for me. I think this will also be a great opportunity for me to get to know him better, and to be closer to him, my sister, and my niece.

We're getting together next week for dinner. I'm looking forward to it.

Shine Your Shoes

30 Days to a Better Man Day 2: Shine Your Shoes

Unfortunately for day 2 of the challenge, I didn't have any polishable shoes. Instead I modified Day 2 to my own. I'm challenging myself, to upgrade my wardrobe over the next year. Buy nicer clothes, and present myself better.

My wardrobe is lacking, I have a few nice outfits, and I wear them out often. I need to add more to them. I specifically need new shoes, and some nicer dress clothes. I want to have more than 3 nice outfits for those nice nights out, and days when I like to dress up. I'd like to be admired for how I present myself, in nice clothes, but also while keeping things affordable.

I'd really like to find jeans that fit my leg length properly. I'm 5'7", and it seems that 30" is the most common leg length for mens jeans. When I buy them, the back always ends up dragging and fraying. Slowly they get destroyed. If I wear boots they usually don't drag.

I want to be comfortable in what I wear, and be presentable wherever I'm at. Not underdressed, or overdressed. I want to have more than the 3 outfits to cycle through. A nice pair of shineable shoes would be nice too.

My Core Values

30 Days to a Better Man Day 1: Define Your Core Values

This was a great Day 1 challenge. Determine your core values. I belive core values are really important for everyone to have. Both men and women should have good core values, and you should never compromise on them.

It took me a a little bit to figure out what my core values are.
My Core Values:


1. Family - God, Family, and Friends, are the most important thing in life.

2. Integrity - Honesty in all situations, the good and the bad, most importantly honest with myself and holding myself to high morals.

3. Respect - Respect for others, and myself, no matter what.

4. Dreams - Never giving up on what my true goals are.

5. Love - Passionate love. Not just romance, but love of life, family, and self.

These have not always been my core values, and I have made some crucial mistakes in life. I believe if I always focus on my 5 core values, I will live a happier, and be more successful at achieving my goals.

What are your core values?

2010 a New Me

Before I met her, I was proud of myself, and who I was becoming. I had things together, and felt like I had a plan for my life. Everything was coming together, and she added to that completeness.

That was 2 years ago.

Now today, when I think about myself, I'm not proud of who I am. I don't have things together, but I still have a plan. Somethings have just fallen apart, with the help of lifes usual stress and struggles. I hate my job. I hate my income. I hate that I'm stuck on a wait list for Nursing school, and that I don't know when I will get in, or when I'll ever actually be an RN. I'm a very literal person, and I have a hard time looking more than 3 feet infront of me in life. Immidiate gratifcation is what I always want, if it's not immidiately attainable, I get frustrated.

I'm always stressed out. I've gained weight, and I'm out of shape. I feel like Nursing school is forever away because of the wait list. Financially, I'm very unstable, and living paycheck to paycheck, barely able to make ends meet sometimes. I hate not knowing if I can spend money on food, because I need it for rent, or gas to get to work, or other bills. I'm sick of getting late and shut off notices. Every time my cell phone gets shut off, I wonder if I could just live without a phone. I don't think I can. I'm lonely, and I lack close friends that most people have. I'm not a loser, I'm attractive, I'm nice, and I am fun to hang out with. I should have friends.

This is why 2010 is the year for a new me. It's time for a better me. I began to search for ways to better myself. I've started actual making use of my gym membership. Working out makes your days go so much better, and makes you feel so much better. The release of endorphine is amazing. I've got one final class this semester before I'm completely wait listed at school.

I've made a couple long over due doctor appointments for this week as well. I'm taking steps in the right direction finally. One step at a time. Some of these steps are making me face my fears, and are challenging, but they are going to help me become the person I want to be.

I came across a web site titled The Art Of Manliness. They have a lot of really great information, and articles, on how to become a better man. I want to be someone people admire, and respect. Someone people think are geunine, real, someone with some real integrity. So I'm challenging myself to complete the 30 Days To A Better Man  series that The Art Of Manliness posted. It's 30 days of things to do, to better yourself as a man, in many aspects of your life. I've completed the first 3 days, and so far it is great. I'd recommend it to any guy who wants to better themselves.

I'm not wanting to better myself just for her, but also for me. For without being a better me, I cannot be who I want to be for anyone. I'll continue to share how my progress through the 30 Days To A Better Man challenge goes.