2010 a New Me

Before I met her, I was proud of myself, and who I was becoming. I had things together, and felt like I had a plan for my life. Everything was coming together, and she added to that completeness.

That was 2 years ago.

Now today, when I think about myself, I'm not proud of who I am. I don't have things together, but I still have a plan. Somethings have just fallen apart, with the help of lifes usual stress and struggles. I hate my job. I hate my income. I hate that I'm stuck on a wait list for Nursing school, and that I don't know when I will get in, or when I'll ever actually be an RN. I'm a very literal person, and I have a hard time looking more than 3 feet infront of me in life. Immidiate gratifcation is what I always want, if it's not immidiately attainable, I get frustrated.

I'm always stressed out. I've gained weight, and I'm out of shape. I feel like Nursing school is forever away because of the wait list. Financially, I'm very unstable, and living paycheck to paycheck, barely able to make ends meet sometimes. I hate not knowing if I can spend money on food, because I need it for rent, or gas to get to work, or other bills. I'm sick of getting late and shut off notices. Every time my cell phone gets shut off, I wonder if I could just live without a phone. I don't think I can. I'm lonely, and I lack close friends that most people have. I'm not a loser, I'm attractive, I'm nice, and I am fun to hang out with. I should have friends.

This is why 2010 is the year for a new me. It's time for a better me. I began to search for ways to better myself. I've started actual making use of my gym membership. Working out makes your days go so much better, and makes you feel so much better. The release of endorphine is amazing. I've got one final class this semester before I'm completely wait listed at school.

I've made a couple long over due doctor appointments for this week as well. I'm taking steps in the right direction finally. One step at a time. Some of these steps are making me face my fears, and are challenging, but they are going to help me become the person I want to be.

I came across a web site titled The Art Of Manliness. They have a lot of really great information, and articles, on how to become a better man. I want to be someone people admire, and respect. Someone people think are geunine, real, someone with some real integrity. So I'm challenging myself to complete the 30 Days To A Better Man  series that The Art Of Manliness posted. It's 30 days of things to do, to better yourself as a man, in many aspects of your life. I've completed the first 3 days, and so far it is great. I'd recommend it to any guy who wants to better themselves.

I'm not wanting to better myself just for her, but also for me. For without being a better me, I cannot be who I want to be for anyone. I'll continue to share how my progress through the 30 Days To A Better Man challenge goes.