Day 79: Listen

“A good listener tries to understand what the other person is saying. In the end he may disagree sharply, but because he disagrees, he wants to know exactly what it is he is disagreeing with.” - Kenneth A. Wells

To be a good conversationalist, friend, and employee; I need to be a good listener. Listen before speaking. Think before speaking. Do not interrupt. Do not jump to conclusions. Listen, then think, then speak. Shut up and listen!

I really enjoy a good conversation, but I will admit I am not a good listener. I interrupt people, I jump to conclusions, trying to predict where the sentence is going before you even complete it. It's rude, and ignorant. Even if the conversation is predictable, it's still not appropriate to interrupt them, or to tune them out.

I need to be a better listener, to others and to myself. For others, and for myself. I need to hear both what people say, and the inaudible things in life. Not everything you can hear, do you actually hear. There are verbal, and nonverbal things you can listen to. Actions speak louder than words.

I need to learn to listen closely, and response appropriately.

Even when you hear things I don't agree with, or I don't like, I can still listen; and respect what's being said. Learn to take constructive criticism to heart, without getting defensive, and attacking. No one deserves to be yelled at. There's no excuse to snap. Speak softly. Speak less, listen more.

Stop. Collaborate and listen.

Day 78: My Bucket List

1. Get a piercing. (did when I was 18, lip and ear, both still pierced)
2. Get a tattoo (did August 2007, I was 22, plan to get more though)
3. Go SkyDiving
4. Go to the Olympics (planning on London 2012)
5. Go to London. (done twice so far)
6. Go to Paris (been there once so far, want to go back)
7. Go to Italy
8. Go to all 50 states.
9. Get married.
10. Have children
11. Go to Las Vegas (went in 2009)
12. Ride in a hot air balloon.
13. Go back to college. (went back in fall of '08, been attending since).
14. Be debt free.
15. Own a house.
16. Live alone.
17. Walk on the Wall of China
18. Go to Mackinaw Island
19. Go to Joshua Tree National Park
20. Drive on Route 66
21. Celebrate New Years Eve in NYC.
22. Learn to run a mile without stopping.
23. Ice Skate in Rockefeller Plaza (2003)
24. Walk through Central Park.(2003)
25. Create a book of my photography.
26. Be thankful every day.
27. Own season tickets for the Detroit Pistons.
28. Build a computer. (2007)
29. See the sunrise from a mountain top.
30. Go to Australia
31. See the Giant Stone Heads of Easter Island.
32. Go white water rafting.
33. Go exploring in a cave.
34. Be a great son, boyfriend, husband, father and hopefully grandfather.
35. Smile everyday.
36. Laugh everyday.
37. Join a photography club.
38. Teach someone else something.
39. Impact at least 1 persons life for the good.
40. Help a complete stranger.
41. Ride horses on the beach.
42. Go on a picnic, and have crackers, cheese, fruit and wine.
43. Own a telescope
44. Worry less
45. Become closer with my family, and ensure that I have a close family of my own some day.
46. Get accepted into the nursing program at HFCC. (December 2008)
47. Become a registered nurse.
48. Learn to play the piano/keyboard again.
49. Make love on the beach under the stars.
50. Own some cool fish.
51. Weigh less than 200 lbs, and never go back over.
52. Be more punctual.
53. Fall in deep passionate unconditional endless love.
54. Don't pick stupid fights.
55. Don't sweat the small stuff.
56. Not be so loud.
57. Never go to sleep angry.
58. Don't put up with bullshit from anyone.
59. Be more assertive.
60. Live like I'm dying.
61. Go to the Kentucky Derby.
62. Scan/Digitize all of my pictures.
63. Learn to cook more.
64. Take a picture every day for a year.
65. Take my camera with me more often.
66. Be more considerate of others.
67. Go to a Michigan bowl game. (Orange Bowl, performed halftime show with BHS marching band, January 1, 2000)
68. Go to the Michigan vs OSU football game. 
69. Meet a celebrity and get a picture taken with them. (once so far....Willy Horton)
70. Go to Hawaii
71. Own a brand new car.
72. Go on a cruise.
73. Read a new book once every 2 months.
74. Become  better photographer, per-sue classes, and side work in it.
75. Make some money on the side with my IT/Computer skills.
76. Kiss in the rain.
77. Kiss under the stars.
78. Witness a miracle.
79. Own a boat.
80. Be a part of a team.


[This is a work in progress, as I come up with more, and complete more, I will edit it further]


[Those items in bold, have yet to be completed, items not bold I have done]

Day 77: God

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” - Nelson Mandela

Every day I wake up and Thank God for giving me a new day. Thank him for my family, my friends, for everything that he's given me. God has made me in to who I am today, and is making me into who I am to be tomorrow. He's amazing, and gracious.

When no one else is around, when I'm feeling all alone; God is there with me. He will comfort me. I like being able to pray to him, and talk to him. It's nice knowing he is always there for me, even when I don't deserve him. He's protected me in my life, time and time again. He's giving me hope and strength, when I've had none. He's given me an amazing family, that I love dearly.

God has given me the strength to make it on my own. To be able to live alone, to survive alone financially; even when my job sucks. Even when things get tough, I still make it.

Without God, my family, and my friends; I would not be who I am today. They are my strength. They are there for me when I need them most. When I need someone to talk to, someone to help fix my car, someone to hang out with, they are there. People will always let you down at some point, but God will never let me down.

I am a child of God, and I am worthy of greatness, of happiness, of success.

Never lose your faith in God. Trust in him, and know that he is always there for you, no matter what.

Day 76: Before I Die

“Every man dies - Not every man really lives.” - William Ross Wallace

What do you want to do before you die?

That's a question I'm sure we all think about time and time again. I know I've thought about it most of my life, adding things to it, and sometimes revising previous items I had in my head of what I wanted to do. Our plans change. Our lives change.

What we want most, and what we want to achieve usually doesn't change much throughout our lives. What want to do most, what we want to achieve; this is our bucket list.

Most of us want a lot of the same things. We want happiness, love, family, and success. But then there are the little things we want to achieve. The fun places we want to go. The dumb things we want to say we experienced. The life we want to live. What is it that you want to do? What is that I want to do?

I want to feel alive. When I look back at life, I want to know that I lived, and I did the things I wanted to. I want to feel like I accomplished and achieved. I want to live every day like it's my last, and be proud of who I am.

Live before I die.

I want to live, and love. I want a family. I want a career that I enjoy. I want to travel. I want to do things, I want to see things. I want to experience life. I want to smile, laugh, and have fun.

I'm working on my bucket list. What's on your bucket list? Are you really living?

Day 75: Faith

“Keep your dreams alive. Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Remember all things are possible for those who believe.” - Gail Devers

In order to achieve greatness, success, or anything you want; I must have faith. I'm the only one who I can rely on to believe in myself. I have to know that I can achieve anything I put my mind to. I've never failed myself on that one before. If I put my best effort in to achieving something, I will achieve it. I will earn it. I deserve it.

No one knows what I can achieve more than myself. No one believes in me like I do. No one knows who I really am inside, and how great of a person I really am. I am amazing. I am someone. I am important. I'm not cocky, or stuck up, but I do have a great sense of confidence in myself when it comes down to it. I thank God for who I am every day. I thank him for bringing me to this point in my life, and helping me achieve the things that I have; while motivating me to go further.

Sometimes I  have to let go of all doubts, and fears of failure. I have to rely on myself, and follow my heart. Don't question anything, and just do what I do. Trust in my heart 100%, and know what I want; and go for it. Never losing focus, and never giving up. All things worth having, be them great or small, are worth every bit of effort it takes to obtain them.

I can't get frustrated, I can't let myself down. There is no other option but success. I need to focus on my abilities, my talents, my skills, and reach for my dreams.

Day 74: Interruption

“Noise is the most impertinent of all forms of interruption. It is not only an interruption, but is also a disruption of thought.” - Arthur Schopenhauer

I have a horrible habit, a learned behavior that I've never corrected. It's party caused by my ADD, and partly because I've put enough effort in to correcting myself. I interrupt people. I interrupt people a lot, and often. It's extremely rude, and immature. It makes me seem arrogant, and disrespectful. It's very unintentional when I do it, but it's not excusable.

With how often I do it, it seems like I don't care what others have to say; when I really do care what they have to say. I enjoy listening to others, yet I always feel some need to interrupt there story, or what they're saying to insert my two cents. It's rude, very disrespectful, and it's not every excusable. It's a very poor way to communicate with someone.

No one wants to talk to someone that constantly interrupts them, and makes it seem like what they have to say is not valid or means nothing. It makes them feel like they're wasting they're breathe and time with you, and that what they have to say means nothing to me. I have to learn how to control this, and be a better listener, and wait my turn to say something. I can't just interrupt someone in the middle of a story. What I have to say, is no more important than what they have to say. Often it's a question, about what they're saying, or a snarky remark about what their saying. If I waited till they finished what they had to say, my questions would be answered, and I'd understand what they're trying to say.

I'm going back to the ADD doctor soon, and should start medication soon as  well. Hopefully this helps me focus, and helps me correct this behavior that I've allowed myself to do for far too long.

Day 73: Positivity

“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours” - Swedish Proverb

Live a positive life. Think positively. Remove the negative thoughts and the negativity in life.

I want to succeed, and be successful in all that I do, I need to be more optimistic, and hopeful about life and my future. I have to live life, and take risks. Without taking risks, you never know what you can gain and achieve. Life is amazing when you live it, and let life be.

I need to smile more, and think more positively. Stop thinking about all the bad things that could happen, and the possibility of failure. Planning for the possibility of failure, is setting yourself up to accept failure. Failure in life is not an option, at any time, at any moment, for anything. Failure is miserable, and it has no

Wake up and smile, breath in, relax, enjoy life. Go for a walk, go to the gym. Love life, and let life be. Life is too damn short to be miserable. Time just flies by, and the only guaranteed is the moment we're living in right now. Enjoy every moment, live life to the fullest.

Positive people, attract more positive people. Like attracts like. Negativity just breeds more negativity. No one wants to be around negative people. People love to be around positive people.

Day 72: Job

“The difference between a job and a career is the difference between forty and sixty hours a week” - Robert Frost

I need to start looking for a new job, and really actually looking. Apply for jobs, get some interviews, try.

I got frustrated after the last couple job interviews I went through more than a year ago, and decided to stick with the company I'm currently with, even though it's not a good job. I'm not making enough money, and the job is not worth it. Driving a half hour to work, for a job that doesn't pay much, really isn't worth it.

I've stuck with it because it is full time work, and I have to be thankful that I'm employed in this economy. I have benefits, and they offer tuition reimbursement which has helped me with my pre-Nursing classes. But in the end, I need to work to better my career opportunities. There are not many opportunities in my company for advancement, and with the economic state of the company, there is not much job security.

I need more money, and a job that will give me more opportunities for advancement, and a future. I'd prefer a job that is not open 24 hours a day, at least until I'm a Nurse. I should look in to getting a job at a hospital, something that could help me with my future career.

While I know I'm not going to be a Nurse for at least a couple years, I need to continue to work, and better my career opportunities.

Get an interview.

Day 71: Grow Up

“Growing up is never easy. You hold on to things that were. You wonder what's to come. But that night, I think we knew it was time to let go of what had been, and look ahead to what would be. Other days. New days. Days to come. The thing is, we didn't have to hate each other for getting older. We just had to forgive ourselves... for growing up.” - The Wonder Years


Over the past 71 days, I've realized, that's what this is all about. It's time for me to grow up, and I have and am. I'm not a child anymore, there is no excuse for stupidity, and immaturity at 25. At this point it's time to grow up, and be who I have always dreamed of being, who I always knew that I was.

I've been immature, and irresponsible for too long.

I'm 25, I live on my own, I'm responsible, I'm independent. I'm working towards my future, my life and career goals. I have a lot that I want out of life, and I plan to get there. I'm finding happiness within myself, and confidence in myself, that I never knew that I had. Is quite strange just now realizing all of this, feel like I should have known this long ago.

I can't continue to blame anyone but myself for my mistakes, failures, and faults. I am the source of all of my problems, and I am responsible for who I was, and who I am today. I am the one who lived my life the way I did, and got me to where I am today. I hold no regrets, as without doing the things that I have, who would I be today? Would I look at things the same? Would I be having these realizations about myself that I am, and finally growing up? Or would I continue to live as a child in an adults world, being careless and irresponsible?

I am a grown up. I'm an adult with a real job, and a real future. I have my own place, I have my own goals, and I have my own plan. I need to face my future, and be responsible, and know when the time and place is to have fun, while not neglecting my priorities.

Never give up what you want most, for what you want at the moment. Always keep my focus on my future, and my goals, always try harder, and reach higher. Don't accept mediocrity. Keep my standards, and goals, don't settle for anything less than success and happiness.

Day 70: Confidence

“When you have confidence, you can have a lot of fun. And when you have fun, you can do amazing things.”

I know who I am.

I need to have more pride and confidence in myself. Confidence is attractive.

I am a pretty awesome person. I am fun to be around. I'm kind, giving, and considerate. Those that I care about, I'm always here for, no matter what. Treat me with respect, and I'll treat you with respect. I am a handsome guy, and I have a baby face.

I'm not perfect, and I have made my fair share of mistakes, some of them repeatedly. In the end I learned, and grew from my mistakes. It's all you can do. You fix what you can, leave the things be that you can't, and learn from all of it. Life is a roller coaster. You have to hold on tight, and prepare yourself for the next drop.

I know who I am, and I know what I want in life. I know I am a good person. I know that I am not perfect. I know I will make mistakes in the future. I know I have good morals, and good judgement. I know I will be a great boyfriend, husband, and father some day. I know I am going to be a great Nurse some day. I can't wait for that.

I know I am a great son, brother, and friend to those in my life.

I have no regrets in this life. I've lived, and learned. The things I've done and said and done in the past, do not represent who I am. They are a part of who I am. Every day is a learning experience, preparing me for tomorrow. I live each day to the best of my ability, the way that I want to live it, with no regrets.

I am who I am, and that's all I can be. Like me, love me, or hate me. I'm real. I'm genuine. I am me, that's all I'll ever be. I'm a sinner, I'm not a saint. Don't judge me. I am only me, and that's who I want to be.

Live life, and love it.

Day 69: No Tomorrow

“Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.” - Mahatma Gandhi

Live every day as if there is no tomorrow. Don't worry so much about the future, and stress about the unknowns. Live every day as if it were your last. If you died tonight in your sleep, would you die happy, knowing you lived your last day as your best day?

You can only plan, and work so much for tomorrow; but in the end it is the unknown. You can't predict everything that is going to happen. We don't know what the future holds for any of us. You can only live each day, one day at a time, and make today what you want it to be. Make the right choices, the right decisions, and be happy with who you are today.

Today is a gift, that's why it's called the present. As cheesey and cliche as that line is, it is the truth. We need to be thankful for today, and hopeful for tomorrow. There is no promise of tomorrow. We're lucky to have today, and we're lucky we had yesterday and the days before that.

Take what you've learned from yesterday, your mistakes, failures, achievements and successes. Apply them to your life today, and make today even better than yesterday.

Only you have the power to change your life. Only you can decide how you're going to live. You have to make the choice on your own.

I have to make these choices on my own. To be a better person, to live each day as if it were my last. To not regret my past, but be thankful for it. The past made me who I am today. Without it, I wouldn't be me. I've made a lot of mistakes, done a lot of shameful things, but in the end I'm only me. The past can't define who I am today, or who I am in the future. The past is only a part of the story. I'm writing the story, I can change it at any time. I am in control of my future.

I am the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul

Day 68: Effort

“In all human affairs there are efforts and there are results, and the strength of the effort is the measure of the result” - James Allen

Apply some effort, some real thought, with physical, and mental activity, to achieve your goals. Don't be careless, do things half heartedly, applying little to no effort; and then expect great results. You will only disappoint yourself. It's one thing to disappoint others, but when you disappoint yourself it's much worse. It hurts, and is very frustrating.

If you have something you want to achieve, if you have something you truly desire; then putting forth 110% effort 100% of the time should be very little to ask for. Anything worth achieving, is worth working hard for. Success does not come easy.

Don't give up when you make mistakes, or things don't go exactly as you plan them to. As long as you know you put in all the effort and thought that you could, then there is nothing else you can do. Just do your best, and you can't be disappointed in yourself. The outcome may not always be what you wanted, but you'll know you did all that you could.

You can't control everything. You can't control the outcome. You can only control yourself, and your actions. What others do, and what the outcome is, are out of your control. Just do your part, and let the rest do it's part. Take each day one day at a time, waking up, and striving to do the best that you can.  Don't be disappointed by others, or the outcome. Just let things be what they are. Nothing ever goes as you expect it go to. You just have to let things be.

Don't stress about the little things. Let things be. Put 110% effort 100% of the time with everything in your life.

Day 67: Exams

“Why Study For Exams.... Are they not about what you know, not about how much you can cram into your head the night before?”

Took 2 exams tonight. Got an 80% on the first one, and not sure how I did on the 2nd one. Second one was a lab exam, with only 25 questions. Professor gave us 3 of the answers on the lab exam, so I know I've got at least 3 right. Hopefully got a lot more than 3 right.

Life is like one big exam. You face challenges, and learn new things every day, and then some days you take exams. You face those big challenges, those big decisions, and you have to use what you've learned in the past, to make the best choices. The choices you make, decide your future. Make the choices that you desire, and your heart desires, and you'll be headed in the right direction toward your happiness and success. Make bad choices, without thinking things through; and you'll be headed for failure.

Always think things through. Try your hardest. Use what you've experienced, what you've been through, what you've learned, to help you make the right choices. Listen to what your heart and mind are telling you to do. Which one is speaking louder? Which one do you trust more? Which one is smarter?

Sometimes you need to reflect back on your past, and think about decisions you've made. You need to look at the mistakes you've made, and the successes you've had. Learn from the mistakes, and from the successes. See where you can improve, and what you're best at. Don't get discouraged by your mistakes, and failures. We all make mistakes. No one is perfect. You just have to get up, brush your knees off, and keep on going. The journey is long, but it is worth it. Keep running.

Don't just cram the night before. You need to retain the information. Retain your memories, retain your knowledge. Think strong. Live strong. Be confident in the choices you make. Be confident in the life you live. Learn something new every day, and apply it to your life.

Day 66: Subconscious

“We must realize that the subconscious mind is the law of action and always expresses what the conscious mind has impressed on it. What we regularly entertain in our mind creates a conception of self. What we conceive ourselves to be, we become.” - Grace Speare

What is in your subconscious mind? What are your thoughts, memories, dreams, goals, regrets, hopes, failures; that your mind is holding on to?

Our mind is made of up 2 parts, the conscious and the subconscious. The subconscious is much greater than the conscious mind. The conscious mind you can control directly, while the subconscious mind is programmed and filled with information gradually over time from the conscious mind.

Sometimes you need to realize what is in your subconscious and sort through the information, and clean it up. Remove the negative, and organize the positive. The subconscious mind is not able to tell the difference from reality and imaginary, so be handle it with care. Your deepest feelings, dreams, views, goals, behaviors, emotions and instincts, all lie within your subconscious mind. Keep yourself in check with your subconscious mind. Know what your subconscious mind wants, and determine if that is what your true heart desire are.

Don't allow your subconscious mind to control you. Your subconscious mind is your reality check litmus paper for your desires, emotions, actions, and instincts. Your subconscious mind, is filled with things from your past. Some memories, and feelings are buried so deep, that you have nearly forgotten them, yet they are controlling your thoughts and actions.

Don't allow your past to determine your future. Who you were, is not who you have to be. Who you are today, is what is most important. Wake up each day, be positive, and be who you want to be. Take every day one step at a time. Every day, live life to the fullest. Be the person you want to be, and don't let your past failures, pitfalls, and lapses of judgement, define who you are.

Day 65: Balls

“If you've got them by the balls their hearts and minds will follow.” - John Wayne

Life can really grab you by the balls sometimes.

Sometimes it gives you a swift reality check, by kicking you right in the balls. It stings, it burns, it hurts. It catches you out of nowhere. Life is going good, and you think you're making progress, and then out of no where a foot connects with your balls at full speed. It happens in a split second, you see it before it happens, but you can't stop it. Just like a car accident.

You can work as hard as you want. You can try as hard as you want. But in the end, it all comes down to reality. Reality is one of the best and worst things in this world. It can make you so high, or bury you 6 feet deep.  It helps put you in your place, and ground you, to where you belong.

Everything takes time. It is all a matter of time, hard work, and motivation. I can't give up. I can't collapse. I have to stay motivated, and keep moving forward. Face my fears. Face my insecurities. Work towards my goals, and keep focused.

I'm sick and tired of hurting. I'm sick and tired of thinking. I just want to be able to live. I want to be able to breath. I want to smile. I don't want to worry. I don't want to stress.

Breath in. Breath out. Live much. Dance in the rain. Take responsibility. Don't live with doubts. Don't live with fear. Face every day with confidence. Love like I've never been hurt before. Treat others like they deserve to be treated. Respect always. Listen. Do not jump to conclusions. Remove all judgement. Worry less. Love myself. Embrace change.

Day 64: Think

Think like a man of action, and act like a man of thought. - Henri Bergson

This is something I've struggled with for as long as I can remember. I don't think before I act. Don't think before I speak. Don't think before I do. It leads me to making irrational decisions, and saying things in the wrong way. My behavior, actions and words, they come out very bluntly.

I've never learned to think, then act, think, then speak, think, then respond. I need to learn how to do this, it needs to be second nature. Think first, then act. Think first then speak. Think first then respond.

Instead I've always done it in reverse of act then think, speak then think, and respond then think. It leads to many angry moments, many tempers lost, and many sorry's said. So many sorry's that the word has little meaning left. Empty apologies, that no one finds sincere, that stab others right in their chest.

It's time to grow up, behave, act, and talk like an adult. To treat others with the kindness and respect that all people deserve. To stay calm, and be a rational thinking person. To live life to the fullest. To not hold grudges, and to let go of anger and resentment. To forgive myself for my past failures, and regrets. To learn new things each day. To learn from my mistakes, and always strive to be better. To think, always think, without over thinking everything.

Be considerate. Be kind. Think always. Think often. Never act without thinking first.

I could blame my ADD for my lack of thinking before I act, but in the end it's all about maturity, and accepting personal responsibility. I can't just always use my ADD as a scapegoat for my immaturity, and being irresponsible. It's not an excuse. It's not acceptable.

There comes a point where your excuses are just excuses. Excuses don't excuse anything. They're just a way to push off the blame, and to avoid responsibility.

Take responsibility, and think before I act.

Day 63: New

“The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are.” - Unknown

I need to lose my fear of new, and expand my life. I need to stop being afraid of trying new things, going new places, and meeting new people.

New is not a dirty word. It is not a scary word. It should be a comforting, happy word. Everyone should enjoy going to new places, trying new things, step out of their comfort zone and try doing things different ways.

You can't get any different results in life, when you continue to do everything the exact same ways. I can't better yourself, if I don't start doing things differently. If I  don't create a new me, I'll just continue being the same me that I've always been. I can't let my past define who I am today. I can only wake up each day, and be the best person I can, taking each day one day at a time. Work towards my goals. Focus on being better. Think before I act. Think before I speak. Stay calm. Breath in. Breath out. Relax.

I want to try new things. I want to go new places. I want to do new things. I want to do things differently. I want to be a better person. I want to be a new me. I want to let go of my regrets, and my failures. I want to focus on me, and my future. Every day is a new day, towards a new me. I want to wake up with a smile every day. I don't want to lay down at the end of the day, not being able to sleep because of how I lived that day.

Live every day, treating people with respect, honor, and integrity. Have courage. Be strong. Be calm. Be positive. Smile. Be happy. Enjoy life.

I want to live every day to the fullest. I want to live each day, knowing that I did the best that I could that day. That I faced life head on. That I lived. That I did what I needed to that day. That I was who I want to be.

Every day is a new day. Live according to my purpose, and my goals. Be who I want to be, every day, 100% of the time.

Day 62: Organization

“Organize your life around your dreams - and watch them come true.” - Unknown

I need to get my life my organized. Organize and sort my belongings. Remove the clutter. Remove the unnecessary. Remember what it is important, and place it as such in my life.

I need to organize my mind, and life; and focus on attaining my goals. Remove the stress. Keep things organized, neat, and tidy. Let things be. Be more responsible. Be an adult. Grow up.

I need to stop postponing removing the trash in my life. The thoughts. The ideas. The ignorance. I need to just remove them, and move forward head first. Face my battles on my own. Overcome my fears on my own. Overcome my insecurities, weaknesses, and frustrations on my own. I need to be proud of who I am, but recognize my faults, and my failures. I need to better myself, and continue to work harder to be who I want to be. Organize my thoughts, and my goals. Retain my focus, and keep it where it belongs, on the the future.

I need to remove the bad habits in my life, the bad behaviors, the irrational decisions and reactions. I need to create new, good habits, good behaviors, and be more rational with my decisions and reactions. I need to be a  kinder person. I need to be more considerate. I need to stop being so serious all the time. I need to learn to take a joke, and not take everything so personally. I'm too sensitive.

Organize my thoughts, my life, my mind, my goals, my achievements, my failures. Work towards my future with organization, good intentions, good actions, and focus.

Day 61: Work

“It's going to be tough, but I honestly think that if you're truly extraordinary, you're going to be OK. I'm clinging to that good feeling I get from people. Having that career momentum, the sky's the limit.” Joseph Wright

I really do not enjoy my current job. It's monotonous. It's boring. It's extremely repetitive. The management system is horrible. The company runs everything backwards. The pay sucks. But it gets me through the day, and one day at a time I'm working towards my future.

I cannot wait to start my career as a Nurse. It's still a distance off, but I am getting there slowly but surely. I also want to start a side job business of doing computer repairs, upgrades, and builds. Extra income.

 I want to explore my photography hobby, take more classes, and try to get some side work doing that as well. In January I had my first ever paying photo shoot, of my Niece for her birth announcements.

My current job, is not the best job, and it's definitely not the worst job. I need to really start looking for a better job though, of any sort, that I can work, while I continue my education. It's a catch twenty-two though, because my current job, while it doesn't pay the best, and is very dull; I have great benefits, and tuition reimbursement for my classes. Part of me thinks, I need to just stick it out here and deal with this job. I'm lucky and fortunate to have a full time job in Michigan given the current state of the economy.

Sometimes I just need to be more thankful for my job, and that while I'm not making a lot of money, I'm able to live on my own, and take care of myself.

Work harder. Continue to focus on my career, and securing better employment for my future. Don't stress about my current situation, but focus on my future.

Day 60: Studying

“Get over the idea that only children should spend their time in study. Be a student so long as you still have something to learn, and this will mean all your life.” Henry L. Doherty

Study, study, study. I need to learn to study more, and more effectively.

I'm trying to attain a Nursing degree, while I'm also working full time, and enjoying life. I need to study harder, and more often. I must get good grades. Failure is not an option. I need to devote more time each week to studying for my classes. Luckily this semester I only have one class, but it is a very challenging course.

I need to dedicate at least 3 times a week to studying for my class, reviewing the material, and reading the text book. I need to review the information, and be sure I retain the knowledge, as I will need it for my future courses. I need to determine better study habits for myself, and learn what works best for me. Flash cards, reading, note taking, and reviewing.

I have to pass my class this semester. Failure is not an option. I must get good grades on the remaining exams. I must study, and prepare for them. I cannot go into them nervous, and stressed. I need to be relaxed, and know that I know the information. The instructor I have has given us the direct information, passing the class should not be difficult.

I only have one class this semester, there is no reason for me to be struggling with it. There is no reason for me to be stressed about it. I must work harder, and focus.

Study harder, and review all the information regularly.

Day 59: Heroes

“As you get older, it is harder to have heroes, but it is sort of necessary” - Ernest Hemingway

Who are your heroes? Who do you admire most in your life? Who do you respect the most? We all need to have heroes, people we look up to, people we admire. These are the people we learn the most from. The people we would want to resemble. Many of your heroes may change throughout your life, as you learn what and who you really admire. Some traits that you admire as a child, are not admirable from an adult mindset.

There are many different things we admire in others, from respect, honesty, integrity, to success, looks, and family. What ever it is that you find admirable, you find people that have those traits, and they become your heroes.

Here are my heroes.

1. My Parents - They've both always been there for me, no matter what. They have true love, and have been married for nearly 35 years. Both of them are very hard working, and have always done whatever it takes; to provide for our family. They never give up on family.
2. My grandpa W. - He served in World War II, then worked for Ford, always providing for his family. Had a great marriage for more than 60 years before he passed. Very hard working, honest man full of integrity and respect. If I could live half the life, and be half the man he was; I will die a happy man.
3. My grandpa C. - He was in the Army, and has worked at all 3 of the 'Big 3' auto companies in his life. He's worked just about every job you can think of, without ever having a high school diploma. He's successful, and owned his own company for most of my life. He's very hard working, and loves my grandmother dearly. The smile that my grandma brings to his face, is incredible. Just to see that kind of love. They've been married for more than 55 years. He has always provided for his family.
4. My grandma C - She worked for more than 30 years with Chrysler, in the recycling management. She always provided for her family; working hard, and raising a family. She's always been there for me when I needed her, and she's an incredible woman.
5. My grandma W - She's my family's Martha Stewart. She can cook amazing elaborate meals, and loves to entertain. Although it is too much work for her now. She grew up in the depression, and still today you can see how it molded her. She is very hard working, and a very sweet woman. She took care of my grandfather for about 8 years as his Alzheimer's progressed before he died. She raised her kids well.
6. My Brother - He's a dreamer. He's a great problem solver, and a very skilled in many areas. He's very relaxed person.
7. My Sister - One of the hardest working people I've ever known. She's successful, and happy. She's respectable, honest, and fun. She always has a smile on her face. She has a great marriage, and is a great mom to my niece.
8. My Brother In-Law - He's one of the people I admire most. He's respectable, honest, hard working, and a man of integrity. He has a good moral creed. He's a great father, and husband. He has goals, and he's going after them. He's a very calm person, relaxed, always smiling, and enjoys life.
9. My best friend J - A hard working honest guy, a great husband, and father.
10. KR - The best father I've ever know, and probably the hardest working person I've ever known. He's successful, and is happy. A man of real integrity, and morals. He's raised 2 incredible daughters, and been a great husband and grandfather. He stands for what he believes in.
11. MM - A great father, hard working, and successful. Raised 2 incredible daughters with his wife, and he's also a great husband. He always provides for his family, and gives great advice.

Those are my heroes. That's who I look up to, and hope to one day resemble all of them. I hope to carry on my father, and grandfathers' legacies. I want to be a man of honor, integrity, and good moral fiber. I want to be a gentleman. I want to be successful. I want to be happy.

Never forget who your heroes are, and remember why they are your heroes.

Day 58: Future

“Stop acting as if life is a rehearsal. Live this day as if it were your last. The past is over and gone. The future is not guaranteed.” - Wayne Dyer

The future, it's all we have. The past are just memories, the often make you smile, and laugh. Many of them fade away. You can't make the past the present, and you can't make the past the future. You can only live in the present, and work towards the future. No looking back. No worrying, and stressing over the things you cannot change. No regrets.

The past is dead and gone away. Today is new and won't be here for long. The future is what we have to live for. Life every day proudly. Live every day to your best ability. Be true to who you are. Be true to those around you.

Fix what you can. Don't stress about what you can't.

Always try to be better, and challenge yourself to do things better. Be responsible. Be mature. Be a man.

If you knew today was your last day on earth, how would you live? If you had died last night in your sleep, are you proud of who you were yesterday?

Learn from the past, and focus on the future. Do not obsess over the past. Take what you can from the past, and apply it to your future. Make better choices. Learn who you are. Learn who you are not. Focus on your goals, you career, your dreams, your aspirations. Reach out and go as far as you can.

Don't live with fear of failures. You have to try, or you'll never know what you can achieve. If you never tried to do what you thought you couldn't do, you'd never achieve any great accomplishment. We all get discouraged, frustrated, mad, angry and feel hopeless. But you can't give up, you must stay strong, and walk on.

Focus on the future. Learn from the past. Live each day to the fullest.

Day 57: Lover

“The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in.” - Morrie Schwartz

I am a lover, not a fighter.

I am empty. I don't have my heart, and I wish I did. I want to know how to love. I want to be able to love again. I want to be able to feel again. I am tired of hurting.

I know I've been in-love twice, and know it was real; but I often feel that I wasn't giving enough of myself either time. That I wasn't good enough. When you fall in-love with someone, and you give yourself to them, you need to share your wholeself with that person. You have to let go of your fears, and doubts; you have to just be yourself, and let love happen.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." - 1 Corinthians 13:4

I don't think I ever truly understood this Bible verse. That I ever really applied it to my love, to my relationships, to my life. It is very true. I've been impatient, unkind, self-seeking, easily angered, jealous, selfish, and untrusting. That's not what love is at all. That's me being immature, selfish, arrogant, and ignorant.
I don't think I've ever completely let go of myself, my pride, and my ego; and given my wholeself to someone. I've been selfish, and I've held on to my insecurities. I've given all of myself some of the time, but not all myself all of the time, like it should be. You have to put your significant other before yourself, 100% of the time, while not losing yourself in the process. Lovers should compliment each other well.

I want to have that passionate, fantasy, fairy-tale like love. I want to have love like Johnny and June. I want to have passionate love like Noah and Allie in The Notebook. I want it to be real. True love is real, although I know it's rare. I consider myself lucky, to have experienced true love.

I know my heart is not ready to be consumed with love again. My mind is not ready to be consumed. I am not ready.

I can't give myself to anyone, when I still have feelings and pain from previous love. I'm still hurting. It would not be fair. It wouldn't be right, or appropriate. I do not want a rebound. I want something real, when the time is right. I want to love like I've never been hurt. I want to dance like no one is watching. I want to live like I've never lived before.

I can't give myself to someone, when I'm unhappy with myself, and who I am. I can't love someone, when I don't love myself. I can't be with someone when I have these insecurities, and frustrations with myself. I have to overcome these things, and work on me. I have to be happy with me, and who I am; independently. If I can't be happy single, how can I ever maintain happiness in a relationship?

I need to focus on me. I don't know if I'll ever find love again, and I have to accept that. Right now I need to keep myself as my number one priority. Work on me, and become a better me. This is a good life. I need to enjoy it.

Day 56: Expectations

“Don't lower your expectations to meet your performance. Raise your level of performance to meet your expectations. Expect the best of yourself, and then do what is necessary to make it a reality.” - Ralph Marston

Do your expectations align with your reality? Do you expect too much? Do you challenge yourself to perform at a higher level, in order to meet your expectations? Do your best, always try harder, and don't expect anything.

Expectations will always fail you. Your expectations are usually not your reality. Do not expect to much. Do not expect to little. Be balanced. It's like a teeter totter of life, your expectations on one side, your reality on the other.

If you expect too much, you'll be let down, and feel miserable. If you expect to little, you won't challenge yourself enough to achieve greatness; and you'll be settling with mediocrity. Do not settle. Don't accept failure. Don't accept being miserable. Don't accept anything less than true happiness. Failure is not an option.

Don't hold others to your expectations, they will fail you and let you down. You can only rely on yourself. You are you, and they are they. Be who you want to be, the best that you can be. Let others be who they want to be, and do not judge them. Do not hold them to your standards. Do not expect them to be the same as you. Do not expect them to make the same choices as you. Do not expect them to understand you.

You can only control one person in this world, and it is yourself.  Only expect things of yourself, not of others.

Do not accept failures. Do not disappoint yourself by failing to perform to your best ability. Set goals, and reach for them, go after them with full focus. Don't go into a day expecting things to happen that are left up to others. If it happens, it happens, if it doesn't it doesn't. Life is purely coincidental, that is all.

Everything happens, you can only control yourself in any given situation. Don't let yourself down. Don't forget who you are. Don't forget what you stand for, or what you believe in.

Day 55: Relaxing

“Try to relax and enjoy the crisis.” - Ashleigh Brilliant

Life isn't easy. Everything doesn't always go the way you plan, and that's good and bad. It's life. It's how everything is meant to be.

Sometimes you just have to sit back, and relax, and let life be. That's what weekends are for, to enjoy, breathe in, and relax. Enjoy life. Enjoy your day. Enjoy doing absolutely nothing.

What if you could have a relax button in your life? You're under stress, you hate your job, you're frustrated with everything around you; and you just want to crumble and break. Push the relax button, and make it all go away.

Sit back, and get a new perspective on things. Take everything a little less seriously. Life is too short to be serious all the time. Life is too short to have regrets. Life is too short to be stressed out. Change what you can, and accept what you can't. Understand that things you can change, usually take work, and aren't going to change over night. You have to wait things out, and sometimes you just have to smile and fight your way through it.

If it was easy would it really be worth it?

I need to take more time to relax and destress my life. Stop worry about the things I can't change right now, and know things in the future will be better. Change what I can change. Focus on my goals, and don't let stress and doubts prevent me from achieving them.

Failure is not an option. Stress is a choice. Relax. Breathe in. Breathe out. Smile. Repeat.

Day 54: Reading

“Every man who knows how to read has it in his power to magnify himself, to multiply the ways in which he exists, to make his life full, significant and interesting” - Aldous Huxley

I love to read good books, although it is a challenge to find those good books sometimes. Reading is great exercise for the mind, and you can learn so much from reading. It's like taking a mental vacation, escaping in to the book. I need to read more.

I want to find more good books, and read more often for pleasure. Reading for work and school, is often a challenge, and boring; but it has to be done. I need to learn to enjoy reading again. As a kid I couldn't put down books after I learned how to read, before I even started school.

I really enjoy biographies, and true story books, as well as books that have real meaning; something to learn in them.

My brother in-law recently gave me a book to read titled Maximized Manhood. It's a really good book. He has 2 more books for me to read when I finish this one. I'm almost done with it.

Found another book at Border's that I want to read titled The Art of Communication.

I want to read at least one book a month.

Day 53: Everything

“I've never tried to block out the memories of the past, even though some are painful. I don't understand people who hide from their past. Everything you live through helps to make you the person you are now.” -Sophia Loren

Everything around me is still a memory. Every song I hear, everywhere I go, it's a memory of some sort, that brings her back to me. It's hard. I still miss her. I miss talking to her. I miss seeing her. Tears still come to my eyes.

Memories are all that we have of the past. The good and the bad. Our minds tend to block out the bad, and keep the good.

I'll never forget her. I still don't know what the future holds for her, and I. Maybe at some point we'll cross paths again, and be able to at least be friends. I know right now we both need to heal in order to be friends. Our hearts are hurting. We're aching with pain. I still think about her frequently, wonder how her day is going. Wonder if she thinks of me. If she misses me.

Other parts of me are in pain still. I hate how I treated her, when it was obvious she was unhappy. I hate how she treated me. After I realized she was unhappy, I then got unhappy. Our relationship fell apart, our communication with each other was horrible. It was as if both of us forgot how to talk to each other, and all we knew how to do was snap anytime either of us said anything. I hate that I made her feel like she had to 'babysit' me, when we were around her family, and friends. I was an embarrassment to her, a nuisance. I hate that she gave up, and walked away. I'm hurt.

I hate that it took her, for me to realize who I really am, and the things I need to change. When she first broke up with me, I couldn't help but blame her, but in reality we were both to blame. I needed to accept my faults, and realize where things went wrong. I am thankful now that she did break up with me. If she hadn't ever broken up with me, I'd never have realized the things that I have. I wouldn't have ever started working on me. I wouldn't have ever changed. She was an enabler, her being with me, made me think I was okay, even though I knew all along I wasn't.

I am proud of her, that she was strong enough to walk away; when it would have been easier to just stay. She did what she felt was best for her, regardless of everyone else around her. I can't blame her for that. I can't blame her for wanting to be happy. That's what we all want, happiness.

One day at a time I am reaching my goals, and finding happiness within me.

Day 52: Workout

Anyone's life truly lived consists of work, sunshine, exercise, soap, plenty of fresh air, and a happy contented spirit.  - Lillie Langtry

Finally got back in the gym tonight, after about a month off. Felt great to get back in the gym. Thought I was barely going to make it through my workout routine, but actually did longer than I usually do on each machine.

I need to make working out a routine, a mandatory, necessary routine. It's good for me, and there is no excuse not to other than laziness. I have plenty of time to go to the gym, and I really need to be going to the gym.

I want to have a work out routine, and go at least 3 or 4 times a week, for at least an hour. I'm 25 years old, and by medical standards I'm 'obese'. I need to lose weight, I must lose weight. I must get in better shape. I am not happy with my body physically, it's frustrating, and disgusting. If I'm going to be a nurse, I need to lose weight. To be able to be active, and on my feet all day in a job, I need to be in better shape.

I did 30 minutes on the elliptical, squats, leg lifts of 75 lbs, arms 75 lbs on a couple different machines. It really felt great afterwards. I wasn't wore out, but my muscles were sore, and it felt good. Worked out for about an hour.

Last time I was at the doctor he told me my blood pressure is slightly high, and my cholesterol is slightly high. He told me I need to be more active, and work out more; and to eliminate stress. Working out will do all of that, will get me more active, and eliminate stress.

It's amazing how much better you feel mentally and physically after working out. It's a naturally high. The release of endorphins, and the energy you get is incredible. Being lazy is not worth it.

Now that it's getting to be spring, it makes it a lot easier to be more active as well. I need to get outside more, and enjoy the weather now. Go for walks, go out and take pictures, be more active.

Workout more. Lose weight. Be in better shape. Be in a better mood. Have more energy.

Day 51: Regrets

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” - Fulton Oursler

Often in life I've said I've regretted things I have done, said, and things I haven't done. It's time to live without regrets. Life happens. Things happen. Lessons happen. You live you learn, you grow. You can't just bottle up your life and hold it inside regretting every mistake, and failure you've made. Make the things right that you can, learn from everything, and work towards your future. That's all you can do.

Mistakes are only mistakes if you learn from them, and change how you react to the situations in the future. It's not a mistake if you'll continuously repeat it over and over again. Insanity is doing the same thing expecting a different outcome. If you continue to do what you've been doing all along, how do you ever expect anything to change?

You have to do things differently to get a different outcome. You have to learn from your mistakes. You have to behave differently. A mistake that's continuously repeated, is not a mistake, it's a natural behavior. That's where my problem lies. Many of my actions, are not mistakes, as I've repeated them so many times in my life; that they're second nature, natural behaviors.

I can't ever regret anything, as everything I've done, is what I wanted to do at the moment. Be it good or bad, it's obviously what I wanted at the moment. Living in the moment will often bite you in the ass. You have to keep focused on your ultimate goals, and not sacrifice anything to reach them. Every mistake, failure, and mis-step that I have made, was made for a reason. They were made by the choices I make, and my own behavior. Be it right or wrong. I am who I am. It's time to better myself, for me, now.

Day 50: Discretion

Discretion -
1 : the quality of being discreet : circumspection; especially : cautious reserve in speech
2 : ability to make responsible decisions
3 a : individual choice or judgment b : power of free decision or latitude of choice within certain legal bounds
4 : the result of separating or distinguishing


Nothing is more dangerous than a friend without discretion; even a prudent enemy is preferable. - Jean de La Fontaine


Discretion. What an important word, that can be applied to life in so many ways. Words are so important. I need to expand my vocabulary, and communication skills. We all should practice more discretion in our lives. Today with the internet, and social networking communities, we often lose our discretion, and put our lives out there too much. Not everyone needs to know every last little detail of your life.

Discretion also applies to your conversations, and your behaviors. Sometimes things are better left unsaid. I need to practice filtering what I say more often, thinking about what I'm saying before I say it. I need to behave this way as well, thinking about what I'm doing before I'm doing it. Have some discretion, some self control. Make responsible, mature decisions. I'm an adult, I need to talk like one, and behave like one, at all times.

No one wants to be around someone who has no discretion over what he says or does. It's annoying, immature, and child like. Irresponsible. Everyone doesn't want to hear every little problem I have, or every emotion I'm feeling. They don't want to know everything about me. They don't need to know everything about me. At least I had discretion enough to only share this blog with a select few people that I actually know.

Every day is a new day, with a small step forward. One step at a time I'm getting to where I want to be.

Day 49: Cooking

When baking, follow directions.  When cooking, go by your own taste.  -Laiko Bahrs

I want to learn to cook more. I've cooked in two restaurants, and I really enjoyed it. Cooking is a lot of fun. I love to cook for others, and I want to expand my cooking and baking skills.

Cooking food, is healthier, and cheaper than going out to eat constantly, or eating ready prepared foods. I want to eat healthier, and cook more often. Cooking for one doesn't have to mean TV Dinners, or something out of can. I should be able to cook a healthy meal for myself, and enjoy it.

Cooking is a great skill to have, and it is fun. It will expand my regular diet, and will help me not just eat the same things over and over again. I really enjoy cooking for others, having family and friends over and cooking dinner. I should do that more often.

My family was supposed to come over this weekend, but we're planning it for next weekend. I'm excited for that. Not sure what I should cook for them yet. Last time I cooked spaghetti, and a fresh salad. Was really good. That was a long time ago though. Could cook that again, since it is simple, and I know how to do it. Or I could expand my skills and try something new. I'll have to see what everyone else feels like having.

I've stopped eating fast food, and am doing good at that. When I've gone to lunch at work, I've tried to go with healthier choices like Subway, and Quiznos subs, rather than Taco Bell and McDonalds constantly. It really makes you feel a lot better eating healthier. I need to get back in the gym this week as well and work out.

This week, cook something new, and get in the gym.

Day 48: Laughter

Laughter is the sensation of feeling good all over and showing it principally in one place.  - Josh Billings

Laugh often. Have fun. Always smile.

Laughter is the best medicine. It's such a stress reliever, and very relaxing. Had a lot of fun this weekend, after having a very long work week. Worked 10 days in a row, and it seemed like it was never going to end. Finally the weekend arrived.

Don't let a day go by without laughing. Life is too short to be serious all the time. Sometimes you have to have fun, kick back, and laugh. I love the feelings of laughing. I love when I laugh so hard my stomach hurts, and I can't breath, even if it is slightly painful.

It's amazing how quickly you can laugh, and forget everything else. Stress just disappears. A smile comes to your face. I laugh really easily about the silliest things which helps a lot. I love to laugh. I can't count how many times I've laughed so hard I've spit my drink out, often embarrassing, but entirely hilarious.

Sometimes the best thing you can do in a difficult situation, is to just laugh it off and move on. Let it be. You can't control everything, you can't fix everything. Just let it go, and laugh it off. Laugh off the excessive seriousness. Laugh off the stress. Laugh off your depression. Laugh off your tears.

Live, love and laugh.

Day 47: Plan

Create a definite plan for carrying out your desire and begin at once, whether you ready or not, to put this plan into action. - Napoleon Hill

I need to create a plan for action for my life. A plan for my future, for my goals, and how I expect to reach them. I can't continue just living life, thinking that life is just going to happen. I have to take actions, and make things happen in my life for me. I have bits and pieces of the plan in action right now, but the plan is not perfected. It's incomplete.

I need to figure out how I'm going to become a Nurse. Am I going to sit on this wait list forever, and eventually become a Nurse in several years? Or am I going to transfer schools, and become a Nurse sooner? I need to explore my options.

Am I going to live in Michigan forever? What am I going to do right now to be able to survive until I become a Nurse? How am I going to survive while I go through Nursing school? Am I going to continue to work at the same job that I hate all the way through Nursing school?

Should I explore my photography skills, and start taking photography classes as well. Something I could make an extra income from, if I developed my passion in it further. I should start offering my computer services to make extra money as well. I need to work harder for me. I need to do better. I need to study harder.

Life isn't just going to all of sudden happen. I'm not going to wake up some day and all of sudden be a Nurse, making the salary that I desire, with the wife, dog, and 2.5 kids. It doesn't happen like that. You have to work for success. Anything worth achieving is not reached easily.

I need to determine what my goals are, and make a plan to achieve them. With steps that I can actually take, and notable accomplishments along the way, to see my progress. Determine my goals, make a plan, and put it in to action.

Day 46: Confidence

Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy.  - Norman Vincent Peale

I've always struggled with self-confidence. Mostly because of my own failures, and I'm my own worst critic. I tear myself down, and don't value myself very highly. I pick at my flaws, instead of trying to fix them. I hate this about me. I know I am a good person. I make mistakes, I let people down, I hurt people, I embarrass people, but I am still a good person. I am going to be a great person.

I am a nice person. I am kind, considerate, and respectful. I'm always willing to help others, and care more about making others happy then myself. I am not selfish. I am worthy of happiness, and greatness. I need to have more confidence in myself, not to the point of arrogance, but to the point of independent true self-confidence.

I want to have a good level of self-confidence, that's not cocky, but respectable. I want to be able to live without the fear of failures, and know that I will get through things. I need to identify my successes more often, and be proud of myself and what I've done. I need to recognize my insecurities, and work on those areas of my life. I want to learn to accept a compliment, or gift, without being embarrassed and responding inappropriately.

I want to be less sensitive, and to learn how to take a joke. Learn how to accept constructive criticism, and to ignore insults. Stop being serious all the time, and learn to have fun, smile, and laugh every day. I can't crumble at the slightest joke, and lash out at others. I cannot be overly sensitive. I don't want to be shy. I want to learn to talk to others without feeling embarrassed. I want to learn to control the tone and volume of my voice. I don't want to snap on a whim. I don't want to hurt people, or embarrass people. I don't want to disappoint myself or others ever again.

I need to be thankful for what I have, accept my failures, proud of my achievements, focused on my goals, and remember that no one is perfect. I can only try my best, and give 100% of myself every day; if I something doesn't go right then, at least I know I did all that I can do. Failure is not an option, success is the only option. I need to stop looking for acceptance from others, and only require my own approval.

Be emotionally strong, and know who I am. Do not be weak. Stand tall. Be proud of who I am. Present myself well, and be confidently me. I am a good person. I will become a great person. I have goals, that I will attain. I am worthy of true happiness.

Day 45: Wants

I know exactly what I want. Everything. Calm, peace, tranquility,
freedom, fun, happiness. If I could make all that one word, I would - a
many-syllabled word. - Johnny Depp

We all have wants within us we hope to fulfill. Our true hart desires. The things we ware most passionate about. The things that fill our thoughts and time. Sometimes these wants overwhelm us, and it kills our productivity. It kills our soul, and we begin to focus too much on what we do not have and only on what we want. We begin to think that our wants are our needs, and that our needs are just given rights. That is foolish and naive.

There is nothing wrong with having wants, desires, but you must know that they are wants. That you don't need them. That in not having them, you're not going to die. Once you know this, you can work towards your goals, and achieving your wants appropriately. Follow your heart. Do not deceive yourself what your true desires are. Never give up what you want most, for what you want at the moment. Trust your heart.

My Wants:

• To Become a Nurse
• Happiness
• Good friends
• True love
• To Always have fun.
• To Laugh often.
• Become a better photographer
• My own family some day.
• To be wanted.

Those are my wants in this world. It's true as the line goes, the best things in life are free. Nearly everyone shares these same desires. Who doesn't want success? Happiness? Love? Family? To be wanted? Most people would agree that they want some or all of these same things.

Wants do not outweigh needs, but they are important in life as well. Just always remember your needs being fulfilled are more important, and that your wants are not necessities in life. Don't make someone feel like you need them, no one wants to feel needed. They want to feel wanted. Don't focus too much on your career that you forget to have fun, and enjoy life. Don't focus only on having fun either. Evenly direct your focus on your goals so you can achieve them, in the proper fashion. Don't let anything stop you from getting what you want in life.

Don't ever forget what you truly want in life.

Day 44: Needs

“Keep high aspirations, moderate expectations, and small needs” - William Howard Stein

Often in life, we get distracted, and we lose focus on our ultimate desires. We begin to confuse wants with needs, using them as one in the same; when they are completely different. We get greedy, and weak. We begin to think we need everything, and want even more.

You begin to convince yourself, that your wants are your needs, and that they're one in the same. That couldn't be farther from the truth. I know I've often fell guilty of this as well. I get ungrateful for what I have, and that my needs are fulfilled in life, and that my wants are truly wants; and not necessities.

Here are my needs.

• Water
• Food
• Shelter
• Career
• Happiness

If I have those 5 needs, my life is complete. That is all that is necessary to live a successful and happy life. We all need to learn a more simplistic life, and be grateful for what we have. We do not need everything under the sun. We do not need to be consumed with greed, and wanting desires.

We must maintain our needs, and fulfill them. Do not confuse your wants, with your needs. The next time you think you need something, just think to yourself, can you live without it; in most cases you can. There are very few necessities in this world, that you absolutely have to have. 

There is nothing wrong with having wants, but you must keep them separate from your needs, and never confuse the too. 

We do not need relationships. We do not need love. We want love. We do not need girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands, wives. We want them, and they are amazing, when the time is right, but it is not a need. It may feel like a need, and it will help complete the need of happiness, but it cannot be the key to your happiness. There are many wants that will help fulfill your needs, but they are not needs. You must learn to be independently happy, and to enjoy life; and fulfill your needs on your own, before you can truly love.

Never confuse wants with needs.

Day 43: Intention

"It is not good enough for things to be planned - they still have to be done; for the intention to become a reality, energy has to be launched into operation.” - Walt Kelly

I've been thinking a lot about my intentions lately. As the character of a man, can be judged by his intentions. Are your intentions where they should be? Are you intentions in line with your goals? Intention to change is not change. You have to actually make the changes, but the first step is the intention to change. After you have your intentions correct, then you can begin to make steps forward towards your goals.

Thinking about changing, and continuously talking about changing, is just a waste of time and breath. It gets you no where. Sometimes talking helps, and is needed; but it's not action. It's not productive. Change has to be made in your heart, your mind, and your soul. You have to focus on your ultimate goals, and make a straight line for them. The shortest distance between 2 points is a straight line. Taking any other route would be a waste of time. Live to your maximum potential.

Keep the correct intentions in your mind in your heart; and put your intentions in to your behaviors and your actions. Keep your word. Be honest. Be real, and face reality. Accept the things you cannot change, and have courage to change the things that you can.

Do not accept anything less than your best. Do not settle for anything less than your ultimate desires. Nothing worth while is achieved easily. Do the hard thing, and get what you want. Create yourself. Self-justification: Making yourself right in your own eyes.

Day 42: Crying

Unless you have been very, very lucky, you have undoubtedly experienced events in your life that have made you cry.  So unless you have been very, very lucky, you know that a good, long session of weeping can often make you feel better, even if your circumstances have not changed one bit.  ~Lemony Snicket

Some days I still come home, and just curl up in bed or on the couch and just cry. Cry until my head hearts, cry until my eyes hurt. Cry until I'm numb and can't feel anything anymore. Sometimes I feel better after crying, sometimes I feel worse. Either way, sometimes it just has to happen.

I hate that it has to be like this right now. I hate that I'm weak, and emotional. Nights are the hardest. Sitting here at home alone, just makes me think. Cooking dinner alone is often depressing. Trying to sleep at night is always a challenge. My mind just drives me to stay awake too much. I need to learn to let things go, and forget them.

Sometimes it feels great to just let it all out, and to get it out. Just as it does every day writing in this blog. It's a build up and a release. That's how crying starts, something hits me, and it slowly builds up, until I can't take it anymore and my eyes just overflow with tears, and I weep like a baby. I barely can breath. It hurts. It's real. It's everything that it should be.

Crying sometimes feels amazing, and sometimes it's the worst feeling in the world. Tears of joy, tears of pain, tears of happiness. A release. Sometimes they all come at once. 

I need to stop crying, and to live my life. Be happy that the past happened, learn from it, live from it, and move on for me. One step forward. One foot in front of the other. Slowly getting to my destiny.

Day 41: Forgiveness

“Sincere forgiveness isn't colored with expectations that the other person apologize or change. Don't worry whether or not they finally understand you. Love them and release them. Life feeds back truth to people in its own way and time.” - Sara Paddison

Forgiveness, is never easy, but always necessary. The hardest person to forgive is yourself. Everyone disappoints them self, and lets them self down at one point or another, but you must learn to forgive yourself, and continue to move forward. You must also learn to forgive others. Be quick to forgive, but not to forget.

If you cant forgive, you're only holding your own self captive. The anger, resentment, frustration, and hate will only build up in you, making you bitter; and a prisoner in your own soul. Be strong, be the better person, and forgive, and let it go. Learn from your own mistakes and failures, as well as others. Forgive. Do not forget, but always forgive.

Feelings of anger, frustration and hate are normal. People will disappoint you time and time again. You will disappoint yourself time and time again. You will fail. You must continue forward. You cannot stay angry at yourself or others. It's a waste of time and energy to not forgive. It is not easy to forgive, but it's something you must do if you want to be happy. Don't let others bring you down. Forgive yourself, forgive others, and let it go.

I've always struggled with forgiveness. I hold grudges, I bring the past up, I say things are okay, when really inside they're not okay. I need to work on my forgiveness. There are many things I still haven't forgiven myself for, and people in my life I haven't forgiven either. Carrying anger, frustration, and bitterness with me everywhere I go. Not forgiving does not help you, it doesn't make you stronger, it doesn't make you smarter. It makes you ignorant, and shows your weakness.

Forgive but do not forget.

Day 40: Smile

Start every day with a smile and get it over with.  - W.C. Fields

Every day remember to smile. It's easier to smile than it is to frown, and it feels a whole lot better.

Happiness starts with a smile, and it's contagious to those around you. Laugh. Smile. Repeat. Everyday.

Appreciate the little things in life. Wake up and smile, and be thankful, and happy for everything that you have. Be thankful for those around you. Make them smile with you. Make them laugh.

Don't let a day pass without smiling. Life is far too short to not smile. Enjoy life. Do something every day that makes you smile. Do something everyday that challenges you. Laugh every day.

Forget your frustrations, your stresses and all the other nonsense; just smile. It'll make your day a lot brighter. I need to remember this, every day. Let life be, enjoy life. Smile. Life is happening, whether you want it to or not. You can't stop it. Don't try to. Just enjoy it. Cherish the moments you have. Smile and laugh often. Cry and frown only when appropriate. Don't dwell on your sorrows. Remember the most important thing in life, is to be happy. A smile is the quickest way to get there. Share a smile with someone every day. Make someone laugh.