Everything around me is still a memory. Every song I hear, everywhere I go, it's a memory of some sort, that brings her back to me. It's hard. I still miss her. I miss talking to her. I miss seeing her. Tears still come to my eyes.
Memories are all that we have of the past. The good and the bad. Our minds tend to block out the bad, and keep the good.
I'll never forget her. I still don't know what the future holds for her, and I. Maybe at some point we'll cross paths again, and be able to at least be friends. I know right now we both need to heal in order to be friends. Our hearts are hurting. We're aching with pain. I still think about her frequently, wonder how her day is going. Wonder if she thinks of me. If she misses me.
Other parts of me are in pain still. I hate how I treated her, when it was obvious she was unhappy. I hate how she treated me. After I realized she was unhappy, I then got unhappy. Our relationship fell apart, our communication with each other was horrible. It was as if both of us forgot how to talk to each other, and all we knew how to do was snap anytime either of us said anything. I hate that I made her feel like she had to 'babysit' me, when we were around her family, and friends. I was an embarrassment to her, a nuisance. I hate that she gave up, and walked away. I'm hurt.
I hate that it took her, for me to realize who I really am, and the things I need to change. When she first broke up with me, I couldn't help but blame her, but in reality we were both to blame. I needed to accept my faults, and realize where things went wrong. I am thankful now that she did break up with me. If she hadn't ever broken up with me, I'd never have realized the things that I have. I wouldn't have ever started working on me. I wouldn't have ever changed. She was an enabler, her being with me, made me think I was okay, even though I knew all along I wasn't.
I am proud of her, that she was strong enough to walk away; when it would have been easier to just stay. She did what she felt was best for her, regardless of everyone else around her. I can't blame her for that. I can't blame her for wanting to be happy. That's what we all want, happiness.
One day at a time I am reaching my goals, and finding happiness within me.
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