Day 21: Just Breathe

"Woah breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe."

Today was a good day. I finally got out of this apartment for most of the day, and wasn't at work.

Went and saw my parents, did my laundry and watched the Super Bowl out there. Peyton Manning sucks, and is highly over-rated. Congrats to the Saints.

Got to talk to her tonight, and hear her voice. :) I love it when she calls me. Really brightens my day. Getting out of the apartment today really helped a lot too. Sitting here alone doesn't help me. Just makes me sit here and think, and my thoughts always go back to her.

I passed her on the way home, at a stop light. She was with our doggie. We rolled down our windows and said hello. Our dog got excited seeing me too.

Haven't been able to stop listening to the songs Breathe (2am) by Anna Nalick, and Over and Over by Three Days Grace.

I really need to just breathe. Breathe in, breathe out.

She's got a pretty busy week ahead with work, and she's probably going up north next weekend (snowmobiling). Really wish I could go, only got to go snowmobiling with her dad one time, and I had a blast. I probably won't see her at all this week, probably what is best for me, and for her. I need to give her the space she wants and deserves. I need to stop trying to smother her.

Have a big test on Thursday in my class that I'll be studying for the next few days. Really want to do well on it. Anatomy II is a fun and interesting course, but it is pretty tough material.

Tonight was the first time I'd really talked to her since Thursday when we went to the gym together. She asked me about this girl in my class, that I had mentioned when we hung out on Wednesday, if I got her number. I told her no. She mentioned that a friend of hers asked her to move to Florida, or North Carolina with her; and I know that inside she's kind of considering it. I don't blame her, and I wish her the best in that. If that's what she wants to do, then I'm happy for her. This world isn't that big, I'm sure I can always find her if it comes to that point.

The girl wasn't in class on Thursday, think she probably dropped the course. I wasn't disappointed at all that she wasn't there. She was in class with me 2 times, just had a random conversation together; and it wasn't anything. I know close to nothing about the girl. I had told her that I thought about asking the girl for her number, but only as a friend; because I am not looking for anything. I am single, but I am unavailable. I'm emotionally unavailable. I would like friend's though, and I thought that she might be someone I could be friends with.

I think I could be friends with a girl. As long as I'm open and honest with them; that although yes I am single, I am completely unavailable. I am not interested in anything beyond a friendship. Someone to talk to and grab a coffee with, maybe catch a movie, would be great. But I would not want to lead anyone on. I'm not looking for someone to date, or a relationship with anyone. I'm still in-love with her, and want to be with her. I just want to be single, and work on me.

I did good today. I didn't cry at all, and the day is almost over. I got close a couple times, but I didn't. I breathed. I didn't sit in this apartment all day, like I was tempted to. I was uncomfortable, but I left.

The end of this week, I'll finally get paid, and be able to pick up my medication. Am very anxious and nervous about taking it.

This week, I shall begin my focus.