I'm so empty, and so alone. I love this girl with all of my heart, yet I feel like I barely know her anymore. It's one of the worst feelings in the world.
We barely talk, and occasionally see each other; and usually I'm the one who initiates any contact. Is she only in my life for me at this point? Does she want to be in my life anymore?
I hate that she doesn't care about me the way I care about her. I hate that she's not in love with me, and wanting to be with me. It's very difficult to accept. It's heartbreaking.
I understand a lot of where she's coming from, but it doesn't remove the pain. The emptiness. The frustration. The heartbreak.
She's young, and wants to be young, and to live that young lifestyle. To party, hang out with friends, meet other guys, have fun. It's all perfectly normal feelings, and I do understand them. I felt that same way when I was her age too. It's just very hard being in my position of it now. I'm trying to let her live her life now, and accept that I'm not who I want to be in her life anymore. I'm trying to be silent, and sit on the sidelines while she lives her life, and to not ask too many questions.
It still drives my mind crazy with thoughts, and emotions. My jealousy envelopes me. I need to get my jealousy under control. I know she's going to meet other guys. I know there are better guys out there than me. But I have to be proud of who I am, and know what we had. If she comes back, I'll know it was real. She is not my girlfriend, and it is perfectly normal for her to see other people.
I am so stressed out beyond belief. This is the most stressed out I've probably ever been, and I'm having to go through it all alone. The time that I need her here most, she's gone.
Financial stress, work stress, school stress, emotional stress, and I'm all alone. I hate this feeling. I hate that I can't just call her when I want to call her. I hate that I can't just text her when I want to text her. I hate that she's not my best friend anymore.
I'll always love her, no matter what. I know she's not trying to hurt me. She's not being malicious. She's been nothing but honest with me about her feelings, and what she's doing from the beginning. I just don't know how long I can be here for her, and not be with her.
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