Day 42: Crying

Unless you have been very, very lucky, you have undoubtedly experienced events in your life that have made you cry.  So unless you have been very, very lucky, you know that a good, long session of weeping can often make you feel better, even if your circumstances have not changed one bit.  ~Lemony Snicket

Some days I still come home, and just curl up in bed or on the couch and just cry. Cry until my head hearts, cry until my eyes hurt. Cry until I'm numb and can't feel anything anymore. Sometimes I feel better after crying, sometimes I feel worse. Either way, sometimes it just has to happen.

I hate that it has to be like this right now. I hate that I'm weak, and emotional. Nights are the hardest. Sitting here at home alone, just makes me think. Cooking dinner alone is often depressing. Trying to sleep at night is always a challenge. My mind just drives me to stay awake too much. I need to learn to let things go, and forget them.

Sometimes it feels great to just let it all out, and to get it out. Just as it does every day writing in this blog. It's a build up and a release. That's how crying starts, something hits me, and it slowly builds up, until I can't take it anymore and my eyes just overflow with tears, and I weep like a baby. I barely can breath. It hurts. It's real. It's everything that it should be.

Crying sometimes feels amazing, and sometimes it's the worst feeling in the world. Tears of joy, tears of pain, tears of happiness. A release. Sometimes they all come at once. 

I need to stop crying, and to live my life. Be happy that the past happened, learn from it, live from it, and move on for me. One step forward. One foot in front of the other. Slowly getting to my destiny.