Today I really got my feelings hurt, all because I'm overly sensitive; and selfish. I won tickets yesterday to go to the Piston's game tonight. I was really excited when I won them, and I asked her if she wanted to go with me; as friends. We're friends, we should be able to go have a good time together.
Last night when I asked her, she said 'maybe'. My 2nd most hated word in the English dictionary.
This morning, while I was at work; she texted me and said "Hey I'm not going to the Piston's game tonight..." I was very bummed, and disappointed. Was really hoping she was going to go with me.
Then I tried to get ahold of other friends and see if they wanted to go to the game, but no one else could or wanted to. So I ended up not going to the game, what a waste of tickets. I feel bad that I even won them, someone else could have used them, and enjoyed the game. I even considered going alone, but figured that'd be miserable and lame.
I take it far too personally when she doesn't want to hang out with me, or see me. If I am going to be able to be friends with her, I need to learn that she doesn't have to hang out with me every time I ask her too. It is okay for her to say no; and I can't hold it against her. I can't let it hurt me. I can't get upset about it.
I'm not mad at her. I love her, and I do respect her. I miss her.
We've hung out once, in the last 2 or 3 weeks, and hit the gym together once. I didn't think asking her to hang out tonight would be crossing the line, but I guess it was. I need to learn to stop asking her to hang out, and to let her make the first move. When she wants to see me, that's when we'll hang out.
It is not her fault that I am sitting at home alone, bored 90% of my free time. It is not her fault that I don't have the friends that she has. It is not my fault that she doesn't want to hang out with me.
This week, I'm going to focus on my sensitivity, and neediness. I'm going to be less sensitive, and less needy. I'm not going to ask her to hang out. I'm not going to make the first move. I'm not going to let her get me upset. If she asks to hang out, great. If she doesn't, that's okay too.
I need to make it through a day without crying.
I cannot take everything so personally.
I cannot be so sensitive.
I really like the goals you set for yourself at the end here. And that's what they are...daily goals. I think at times like this, when it seems impossible to make through 1 hour much less 1 day, we have to set some kind of boundaries/limits/goals and try our best to stick to them. I struggle on a daily basis to NOT let others control my life. Only I have that control. It has taken me quite a long time to come to the realization. Loves, hugs and kisses to you. You know where you can find me on twitter. same name.
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