Day 6: Awkward

Last night, I tried to go to her graduation party. She wanted me to go earlier on in the party, when it was more of her family there, and not so much of a party-party. Wanted me to come early so I could take our dog home with me for the night to keep her out of the way.

I stopped in about 45 minutes after the party started. She looked amazing, was really excited to see her. I know she worked so hard to graduate. I am so proud of her. I was there for literally about 10 minutes. Was very uncomfortable, awkward. Didn't know who to hang out with, or who to talk to, other than her cousin who was excited to see me. Hung out and talked to him for a few minutes and said hi to a few of her friends that were there.

Overheard her talking about looking for a job, and looking out of state. That really drove a stake in to me. Her and I when we were together, had discussed moving out of state together for her to find a job. Will really hate to see her leave, but if that's what she has to do for her, that's what she has to do.

Got uncomfortable really quickly, gave her my card, and took our dog and went home for the night. Was a long night for me. Cried the whole way home, and then cried myself to sleep.

Woke up in the morning to go to work, dropped our dog back off at her house. They were still up partying. Must have been some party, to still be up after 6am. Really wish I could have been there.

That's the part of the party that I wanted to be there for, the real party, at night, with her friends. I understand why she didn't want me there during that part, and that it could have possibly led to issues, and that I had to be up for work early anyways. I really wish I could have been there, I really wanted to be there. After I got home, I thought about going back, but I didn't want to leave our dog home alone. It would have been uncomfortable too, but I don't think it would have been as bad as it was earlier.

I love her so much, and I want to be a part of her life. I feel like I'm missing out on a lot her life right now, and wanted to make sure I didn't miss the chance to be there. I'm glad I stopped in to say hi for a little bit, felt bad I felt uncomfortable and ditched so quickly. I hope she had a great party.